My Hero, My Mother

I awake screaming

I wailed and wailed

Then she came to me

She picked me up

Held me close

“What has gone wrong?”

Something bit me, I said

She kissed my forehead

Then fanned my bedside

Like she understood

Put me down to sleep

I was only two months old

And she was there for me

*

I fell and skinned my knee

I cried my small eyes out

Still she came to me

She picked me up

Held me close

“What has gone wrong?”

I skinned my knee, I said

She kissed my head

Cleaned up my knee

Gave me ice cream

I was twelve years old

Still she was there for me

*

It was two days out

I was too angry for words

Throwing fits everywhere

Yet she came to me

She picked me up

Held me close

“What has gone wrong?”

Joe is too annoying

I can’t marry him again

She kissed my forehead

And said yes you can

She was right, at twenty two

Yet she was there for me

*

I was on the floor rolling

Pain squeezed my heart dry

Again she came to me

She picked me up

Held me close

“What has gone wrong?”

I had a miscarriage, I said

Tears slid down my cheeks

She kissed my forehead

The next one will stay, she said

And she was right

Again at thirty two

She was there for me
*

No o o o o o I shouted

This is not happening

Quickly she came to me

She picked me up

Held me close

“What has gone wrong?”

My husband is dead, I said

Tears slid down my cheeks

She kissed my forehead

And whispered softly

All will be well, she said

At forty two, she was there for me

*

My children are grown

I have advanced in age

My fears and pains

I have conquered them all

Never alone, thankful for help

Now here she lay

Taking her final rest

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust

I miss her already

Why did she have to go?

Through my sixty two years

She was always there

MY HERO, MY MOTHER.

*

***Extracts from the book ‘A Missmatch OF Feelings”  by Elizabeth Edemode (coming soon)***

***

Hope you all had a lovely and happy Mothering Sunday. I did. And so did my mom. I pray that God keeps them for us and helps us to constantly make them proud. For those who have lost their moms, I pray that God will comfort you and be the nurturer you need.

On a random note, is it Mothers Day, Mother’s Day or Mothers’ Day?

Have a great week all.

Temiville.xoxo

What to do with the ball?

Yesterday Ola got rude to me. Well, not quite rude but he gave me one of these his famous frank responses that hurt to the marrow. Truth be told, I can’t stand his straightforwardness. He comes off as rude a lot of the time but I’ll keep quiet. No use ruffling feathers and waking the sleeping Rottweiler and to be honest, that’s just one of many issues I have with him. Ola is my boyfriend.

Last week, Enitan got engaged. The man of her dreams finally proposed to her. To be honest, only Enitan was amazed at the news. We all saw it coming. Her boyfriend, Moses (wow Lara, you need to get used to calling him her fiancé) had been the serious type from Day 1. He’s the exact type that seems to elude me, the type who wants to settle down forsaking all others. Enitan is my sister.

Enitan is my only sister but in between us are two boys, Olumide and Olufemi. So you can understand the little tinge of pain I felt when baby Enitan called me screaming/crying/hyperventilating over the phone that her boyfriend of 16 months proposed. I was glad for her but sad for me. Moses was 28 when they met and she was 22. But he was your very mature type of 28 year old male; the type whose maturity extends to his dressing. I hardly saw him in jeans and when I did, they were smart looking jeans. His idea of casual dressing was Chinos and Polos.

Enitan had always been the luckier one with guys. Though there is a 4 year gap between us, I had to admit that she had a way with men, they just couldn’t get over her. Of the two of us, I’m the prettier and more academically inclined but she is more street wise and discerning. All through our growing years till date, it was never unusual to find me, the elder sister, calling up Enitan for advice. Even our dad found in her a buddy. She was the stronger one and whilst I was daddy’s pet, she was daddy’s paddy. She and dad would discuss issues on politics, football, F1 etc. for hours. They would argue, fight, and laugh into the night sipping on Brandy while mom and I retired to bed. We were the girly girls who were more concerned with watching the Kardashians on E! than CNN.

Enitan was very firm with Moses from Day 1, firm but loving and kind. I admired their relationship and it was very clear who the stronger person was in it. After their 16 months together, Moses could now hardly make a decision without dialing Enitan’s number to seek her opinion.

6 months into Enitan and Moses’ relationship, I met Ola. Ola was 29 and was self employed. He was running a catering business. I found this weird at first but that was before seeing the passion with which he handled the business. It was his mom’s business before she passed on 3 years ago and ever since he completed his MBA, he totally immersed himself in the company and has single handedly worked on its expansion. Now, they operate in three states-Lagos, Abuja and Calabar.

I saw Ola as the ideal husband for me and would do all in my powers to make him happy. I took it as my assignment to ensure I keep him happy. My mom has always been the perfect wife to dad and I dreamed of being able to do all that for my own husband someday. I cook, clean, wash and even learned how to make Calabar dishes for him (His dad is Yoruba but his mom, who he was closer to, was from Calabar). Despite my efforts to please him, he ended up cheating on me…

Beeba, my cousin and best friend, thinks what transpired is not cheating. She says guys are really bad out there and I should be grateful for the kind of man I have. Then I ran what happened by Enitan who told me in her ever straight shooter fashion that it didn’t get any worse than that.

I found out Ola was ‘talking to’ another girl. Well, she was actually the one doing the talking but he was not exactly fighting her off. She was one of those extra wealthy girls whose fathers have a hand in almost everything going on in Lagos State. She obviously felt she has something to offer and it was painful to see that he was falling into her trap. I told him I wasn’t comfortable about the frequency of their communication. She calls him almost every day and they would exchange BB messages endlessly. His response to my concern was that she was merely a business contact and he was looking into securing some contracts through her dad and that it was high time I started seeing her as a sales lead and nothing else.

I went through their chats in his presence. Yes, he told her point blank that he is in a relationship. Yes, he told her he was happy in it (the useless girl actually asked). But how happy can you possibly be in your relationship if you always respond to her messages? I saw some chats timed at 1:05 am and he responded by 1:07am! Even if you are awake, it’s only decent to reply in the morning. I think.

It didn’t stop at this. The real thing that got me mad was that she invited him to an event hosted by her father’s friend at his residence. It was painful enough that he went with her as her date but even worse that he lied to me about where he was that day. I just didn’t have peace all through that evening and the next day I drove to his house. I saw a BBM that read thus,

‘Thanks so much for being my ‘date’. You looked really dapper in that suit. I know I kept on telling you but I just have to say it again. Btw, everyone says we’ll make a cute couple. I think so too. Goodnight hun. ‘BBM kissing smiley’

His response made me go red (yes, I literally went red as I’m very light skinned).

‘Lol @ making a good match. You’re very pretty so that cuteness will majorly be contributed by you. I had a great time too. Thanks for inviting me. ‘BBM hug smiley’.

I immediately confronted him and told him that it’s either he deletes her and stopped further communication or it’s over. Ola looked into my eyes and told me that if I’m not mature enough to see the whole thing as mere networking then maybe I’m not mature enough to be in a relationship with him. He said to me that I’m very insecure and the very thing that made him like me was my confident gait,  carriage and demeanor and that I was beginning to lose that and he’s not sure what to say about that because a confident woman is very essential to him.

He told me that at my age I should know that if he was intending to cheat on me, he would do it easily and I would never find out. When I asked him why he felt it right to lie to me about his whereabouts the night before, he claimed that it was because he knew the kind of woman he was with-the type who would never understand and would be unreasonable and ask him not to honour the invitation. I asked him why he didn’t accept and then offer to bring along his girlfriend. He said it was ‘bad for business.’ Bad for business?!!!

***

Enitan has come to her conclusion-let him be. But I guess that’s what would work for her. I love him but would be happier if he were more loving and less mechanical and brash. He says he can’t let go of friendships because of me and now I am being forced to humble myself and accept it when he picks her calls and BBM her in my presence!

Is this not akin to him selling himself? Is this not like some degree of prostitution where you lead someone on with the hope that you gain something from them because they think you are a potential? Is this not wrong? I’m really unhappy about this but I don’t know if it is enough to let go of him for. He says he still loves me and that the ball is in my court.

What do I do with this ball?

Forgiven but distanced

Hello MCLA readers,

I have keenly followed this blog and especially comments from fellow readers on life issues. I have also commented a lot on issues and I know how useful these can be so here I am with my own issue:

I am a happy 23 year old girl and I have this friend who, so far, has been a good part of my life. We are not best buddies but we were good friends, good enough for me to easily open up to her about my concerns and deep issues. She has always been amazing and sweet but she recently hurt me. Badly.

I know the importance of forgiveness and so I committed my hurts, pains and disappointments into God’s hands and I have let it go. I do not want my prayers getting hindered because of unforgiveness as God expressly tells us that the unforgiving will not have his prayers answered. His Word says:

Heb 12:14  Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord:

Heb 12:15  Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;

Mat 6:14  For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

Mat 6:15  But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Luke 17:3  So watch yourselves. “If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him.

Luke 17:4  If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, ‘I repent,’ forgive him.”

However, despite all these, I am finding it difficult maintaining a constant relationship (of any sort) with her. I tried but I realise that with every chat, phone call or encounter, my pain gets refreshed, revisited and I feel a great and renewed sense of hurt. I also realise that when I don’t hear from her or chat with her, I feel peace whenever I think of her even to the extent of praying for her and wishing her well in all her ways. Point is this, I do not think we can keep being friends at least not just yet. In fact, I think we can only be distant acquaintances. Recently, I hid her from my Twitter and Facebook timeline and I find myself happier when I don’t see her constant updates. 

I have justified my reasoning as practising the words of King Solomon in Proverbs 4 where we are encouraged to guard our hearts. My way of guarding my heart is to steer clear of her. It’s like your boyfriend cheating, you breaking up and he wanting to remain ‘good friends’. It just won’t happen immediately (if ever at all). This doesn’t mean you have not forgiven him though! I wish her good but honestly, I believe living peaceably with all men doesn’t mean being best friends. Instead, it means knowing your level with all and being able to be civil with everyone even if it means doing so from a safe distance. 

But please guys, what do think?

Confused in Canley.

***

As usual people, let’s do this! Muse away, that is…

PS: I have very radical views about the last post concerning the young girl, the man and his wife. I will share them shortly. Have a lovely week. I wish you all God’s blessings and favour in everything you set out to accomplish.

Temiville.xoxo

Putting her foot down!

Hey guys! How are you doing? I have a question to pose today and I need your candid opinion, as usual. Here goes…

A friend of mine got married in November last year. She has this amazing job that enables her work from home. That’s every homemaker/wife/career woman’s dream job. She has been given all the tools she needs and she need not step out of her house except for the day long meeting that holds every other week. Her husband, on the other hand, works on the Island and has to leave the house as early as 5 am everyday to go to work.

Two weeks ago, her husband mentioned to her that he would now be picking a colleague to work and bringing her back everyday because she lives just before the estate gate and so it was very convenient for them both. She didn’t think anything of it and thought, ‘sure, why not?’

She calls me on Friday afternoon going on and on about how she is going to stop him from picking her henceforth. I asked why and she told me that that morning, she had to attend an impromptu meeting with a client on the Island and her car had problems, so she went with him to work and together, they went to this his colleague’s house to pick her up. Lo and behold, she saw a slim, pretty, tall girl rush out with one button undone in error. She still had her bendy rollers in her hair and was wearing bathroom slippers with her office shoes in hand. She says this girl is the finest girl she has seen in a while and she could help feeling threatened and uneasy.

innocent young girl

Immediately, she felt offended by her husband for having not made it clear to her that this his colleague wasn’t just ‘any’ colleague but a very very attractive and single girl. I thought that was ridiculous but she insisted that had she known that that was how the girl looked, she would never have agreed to the plan. She had thought it was a woman in her 40s or so who was a happily married woman and he could see as an aunty figure. I told her that was no assurance of faithfulness or harmlessness but she insisted that this particular girl might make it hard for a person not to stray. She was that attractive. I then asked how the girl reacted to her and she confirmed that she was very polite to her and courteous too but weirdly that was all the more reason why she was uncomfortable.

To make her more worried, as they drove, her husband goes to her, ‘babe, I’m changing the station, Ayodele doesn’t miss her favorite gospel programme at 6am each morning’. At that point, she knew she had to do something. In her words, she knows her husband is a sucker for good girls and that he has a liking for respectful ones too and this girl was very respectful. In addition, she was tall and slim, just like her. Those are his things too. He is a good Christian but she insists that she will not ‘lead him into temptation’ and that their spending hours together and talking about work and all made her very uneasy. She also mentioned many times that her husband hangs out ‘with friends’ waiting for the Island traffic to die down after work and she shuddered at the thought of both of them hanging out so often. She intends to tell him this weekend to let her know that the arrangement can no longer continue from Monday. She has also stated that she doesn’t care if it’s obvious to all (including the girl in question) that she is the one that has stopped the transport arrangement.

My suspicious friend

What do you guys think? Put yourself in the following situations:

* As a girl, who is innocently seeking a cost effective way to go to work, would you accept to go to work with your newly married colleague or would you seek alternatives? If you had no ulterior motives whatsoever, how would you feel if you are stopped from accompanying him and you now had to go by public transport?

*As a newly married lady, would you feel comfortable if your husband picks up a hot girl to work each morning and takes her home each night and sometimes has to hang with her after work somewhere waiting for the traffic to die down? Even if the girl is ‘born again’, will you be able to handle it?

*And you, as a married man, would you suggest or accept to take a girl to work and back each day knowing she is your exact spec and you might be exposing yourself to temptation? Conversely, would you accept your wife’s words to stop taking this girl especially when you know there’s absolutely nothing going on and the girl is a nice and harmless girl? In fact, through her you get to listen to the Word every morning something you never used to do before and on Wednesdays, you go to Church for midweek service on the Island at her suggestion instead of hanging with colleagues doing nothing productive. How will you tell her you can’t take her anymore? Will you be able to go to work each day without her knowing she must be stranded or have to take BRT when taking her will really not hurt you in anyway?

Let’s discuss guys!

Temiville.xoxo

It’s been a year!

It’s been a year!

So yeah, March 3^rd 2012 made it a year since I moved back to Nigeria after being away for 5 years without even visiting once. I remember my absolute trepidation and how I had to constantly remind myself why exactly I had to go home. I am glad I took that step. I really could not imagine living anywhere else, to be honest.

Nigeria has been quite the experience, I’ve had my good and lovely times and I’ve also had my days of weeping in the toilet, yup that’s right! I have made great decisions along the way and with that same great decision making mind, I have taken some terrible steps. But through it all, I am still left with a strong sense of being in the right place. I thank God for seeing me through everything.

I am so glad to be home and I know that the best is yet to come!

***Read about my moving to Nigeria here.***

Totally unrelated photo...Well let's call it 'The beauties of Nigeria'

Have a lovely weekend people!!!

Temiville.xoxo