Birthday Pictures!!!


Hi people,

Hope you’re well. My birthday went amazingly well. Thanks guys for all your kind words and wishes. God bless you all. I was absolutely glad about the entire day and the dinner crowned it all with so so many of my friends in attendance. I had friends travel all the way from Northampton, Liverpool, Milton Keynes, London! I was too joyful!

I have a few photos to share with you (of just myself because of privacy issues). Enjoy!

Birthday geh!!!

Just couldn't stop smiling

some 1940s look

Thanks Dolly 🙂

I’m really looking forward to this new year. With God on my side, all will be well. No shaking!

That’s all folks (for now)



Photo credit: Nonso O. and Gradeon Photography.

Editing: Gradeon Photography

For photo bookings, email:

Happy Birthday to me!!!


My phone has been ringing since 11ish as I have friends and family in Naij and they are one hour behind . It feels so good to hear and read those three words, ‘Happy Birthday Temi’. I am indeed a very happy bunny today. I must add that I have gotten to that stage in life where after saying happy birthday to you, people proceed to declare, ‘this time next year…’ You know what follows *wink* Lol. I have noticed that it comes more from all my mummies and aunties, bless them.

I am so grateful to God for the grace He has bestowed upon me and the opportunity to add one more year to my days. I do not take His mercies in my life for granted at all. Thank you Jesus. Thanks guys for all the BBM status and display picture dedications, text messages, facebook messages, calls and many more. Keep ’em coming, the day is still young hehehe.

I just want to leave you with my best song in the whole wide world. It sums up me.

In Christ alone my hope is found;
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all—
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone, Who took on flesh,
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save.
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied;
For ev’ry sin on Him was laid—
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain;
Then bursting forth in glorious day,
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory,
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me;
For I am His and He is mine—
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death—
This is the pow’r of Christ in me;
From life’s first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.

And another I love just for the one who birthed me 🙂

And this is self-dedicated 🙂

Love lots,





I love you, that’s what you say
Your eyes just sweep me away
And your hands are beautiful and strong
I just want to keep holding you on and on 

Your legs are long and graceful
That you are mine i will forever be grateful

Your smile is like a beautiful sunset
It sure can light up the deepest of darkness

Your figure can be compared to no other
God spent extra time on you, that’s a fact no one can counter

One touch and I feel like I can fly
Just like a rocket shooting straight across the sky

Your lips are soft, sweet and tender
And every time I kiss you (sigh), my all I want to surrender

Your voice is like music to my soul.
Each time I hear it, I feel completely whole

My love, you’re God’s gift to me
And on my honour I will love you till eternity

My heart will beat for you even in death
You’re my love, my life; I say this with no regret


Those words are sweet to hear
Yes my heart beats but still i must use my head

So these questions I must ask
Coz I must be sure that you are wearing no mask

Wilt thou love me when my eyes grow dim,
When I cannot see and you have to read for me?

Wilt thou love me when my hands are weak
And it’s hard for me to pick up a stick?

Wilt thou love me when my legs look less graceful,
Will I be yours, will you still forever be grateful?

Wilt thou love me when you don’t see that smile that resembles the sunset,
But in its stead a frown that seems to deepen the darkness?

Wilt thou love me when my figure no longer looks like a models’
When stretch marks and wrinkles take over and i look a little bloated?

Wilt thou love me when my touch does not shoot you across the sky
But rather, it feels as coarse as sand?

Wilt thou love me when my lips a million times you’ve kissed
And kiss me still even when my breath stinks?

Wilt thou love me when my voice does not soothe your soul,
In times when you are feeling far from whole?

For you say i am God’s gift to you, but you must know that sometimes i will hurt like a deep wound

Your heart will beat for me in death, you say
Those words are deep my dear,
It means you could give your life away…

Though love is about the laughs and smiles,
Understand however that in between lie the frowns

The good and great times will definitely arise
However not without some very dark nights

You see, words are easy to spew forth
You must think twice for you alone will bear the brunt

Those are my words, clear and strong
Coz I don’t want you to get it all wrong

So now that you have thought of it twice
Are you willing to pay the price?


A Heart Full of Gratitude by Kikelomo Sanyaolu



How does a heart full of gratitude express itself?

For I sought you and you showed me your face

I called you and you answered.

I decreed in your name, and you endorsed it

How does a heart full of gratitude express itself?

Blank Cheque?

A blank cheque?

Hmmm……but then you might feel bad when I ask you for money the next day

A dance offering?

Dance like David???

Hmmm…….. Not original enough, King David has already beaten me to that;

Gosh if only I was born before him.

What move will ever compare to what King David did for you

How does a heart full of gratitude express itself?

How about I get you a bottle of champagne?


Yes! Then together we will toast and down the champagne.

Hmmm……..that will only make you think I’m back sliding

I know….. I’d buy you new shoes! You can never go wrong with new shoes

Shoes perhaps?

But they say you sit high up in Heaven using the whole earth as your foot stool………

Now where will I get shoes for feet the size of the earth?

Perhaps Silver and Gold?

But……Proverbs 17: 3 Silver and Gold is for the furnace but the lord tests our heart

How does a heart full of gratitude express itself?

May I should get you a cosy warm soft blanket of many colours. One you can coil up and sleep in.

Ooops…..The lord neither sleeps nor slumbers…….

I wouldn’t want you thinking I’m trying to send you to sleep….


Tell me how does this heart full of gratitude express itself?

Before you tell me…. first agree with me it can be a tricky task

Well while you ponder and put on your thinking caps

This heart full of gratitude is really here to say without a doubt

Thank you God.

The evidence of your love for me is humbling. It makes me want to shout



June 2010

On a roasting aka jonzing level!


Hey people,

So it is ‘valantine’ day, lol. It almost feels like it will be wrong not to have a Valentine’s Day post hence, this. I don’t really see the biggie in the concept of the 14th day of February, to be honest. I think love can and should be shown as often as possible. In fact, I think the powers behind capitalism have so much sensationalised Valentine’s Day that next to Christmas, this is the most money making period in the year. Please do not take my rants to be a result of being on what is traditionally known as a ‘jonzing/roasting level’. What does this mean?

Roasting level:

[roh-sting..lev-uhl] –adjective

No to Vals

This is a state of being whereby you, either knowingly or otherwise, are not going to get ‘valled’. As a roaster, you either go about chanting that vals day means nothing, you really don’t know what the hype is about anyways. In fact, you find people in this category digging deep into the history of the tradition and even unearthing something sinister about it. We all know why. It is all about the jonzing/roasting level syndrome.

Fellow jonzers band up together and form an alliance of comfort. The lovely hearted ones try as much as possible to join in the fun of valentine and not be a ‘hater’ lol. Whilst the extremely ‘burnt’ ones will rant all through the week preceding the 14th and usually up until the 16th when the whole hype must have died down. Anyways, believe it or not, I’m not a hater but I really don’t care much for vals and I do have a few historical facts to share about the St Valentine’s Day, hehehe.

Valentine of Rome was a priest in Rome (some say it’s the “Valentine of Terni”) who was martyred in about AD 269. Legend says that the then Roman Emperor, Claudius II, opined that single men could make better soldiers than the married ones; and decides to forbid young men from marrying.

Valentine doesn’t agree with the emperor’s unjust decision, and defies him by performing secret marriages for young lovers. As it goes with any story, when Valentine’s actions are discovered, Claudius orders his death

Other legends content that Valentine actually sent the first “valentine” greeting himself, to who might have been the jailor’s daughter he fell in love with. Before his death (for trying to convince Emperor Claudius to Christianity), it is said that he wrote a Love letter to her, which he signed “From your Valentine”
 and so forth!

(Thanks to the internet. Remember ‘Google’ is your friend :D)

At least my stories are not that sinister, lol. Anyhoos, I have a better idea of Valentine’s Day. Here goes:

God’s Love

"God's love"

I think this is true Valentine. No other love could be greater than this and I’m not even try to console myself, LOL!!! So people, as we (some of us) exchange gifts today, let us remember the greatest gift of all which anyone could receive…Jesus who died on the cross all for you and I. Let us embrace this love and also spread it onto others’.

The Word of God gives us an inkling into what true love entails in 1 Corinthians 13. It is so beautiful and pure and it is by this standard that we ought to measure our ‘love-o-meter’. In anyway we feel we fall short, we ought to at least try to step up.

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails.

Have a lovely day people as you celebrate your love for one another!!!

NB: In the spirit of love, MCLA shall be having two beautiful pieces put up today . The first poem is in gratitude and love to our GOD, the One who gave His best to us and it is by Kikelomo Sanyaolu. The other one, by Onose Pamela Tariebi Oboh, is a thought-provoking poem on what true love really means. I’m sure you will love them both as I do.

"Happy Valentine Day"

"Happy Valentine Day"

“Happy Valentine’s Day”

Loads of love,


Nigeria my beloved country…


Now, who remembers that song by Funmi Adams? Well, I do. It has been almost 5 years since I left that country and the time is drawing nigh to make a return back to my beloved country after completing my mission here in the UK. But why do I have this nagging fear/discomfort/anxiety?

When I think I have made up my mind to go back home, all I need to hear of is another kidnapping, no electricity, bad transport system, bad roads and so on and immediately, my resolve weakens. What scares me the most is clicking on a link online and having to wait for the system to load up, having to iron clothes in advance because you’re not certain there will be ‘light’ when you need the clothes and there might not be diesel in the generator. The thought of a decent pair of shoes costing N20 000 is rather scary too. I see the way people dress to cinemas in Nigeria and I just long for the simplicity of slipping into skinny jeans, a simple top from H and M, flat shoes, throwing on my good ol’ ever faithful jacket and voila, myself and 4 other similarly dressed friends are good to go!

In Nigeria, everyone seems out to impress and prove to you that they have more than you. UK is a leveller (to an extent). We all get on the bus. We all use the trains. We all go to Primark (even if some claim it’s only to buy socks). However, in Nigeria, the dividing lines are all too clear. There are simply no middle grounds. You step into a room and instantly, you are assessed and the result of that assessment determines the manner of treatment you will receive: whether to be treated like a leper or like a king. And how exactly is this assessment made? First, your shoes are weighed on a scale. If they are pointing to the sky from being well-worn, then you are tilting towards the leper category. Next, your clothes are examined. The more designer-ish they seem, the better for you. If you are a lady, there are two things that willl compete for third place: your bag or your hair. Nowadays, I hear that your decent black bag from River Island just won’t cut it. The league of the kings start with at least a DKNY. Then to the hair, woe betide you if you have on Amigos or Darling Yaki. Your place is the leper category is firmly confirmed. Your hair has to have come from a human being’s head be they from Brazil, India although Peru will be preferable.

All these have made me sceptical about going back home. Why can I not be judged solely on my capabilities? Why should having a father in high places mean the other girl gets a job I am more suited to and qualified for? Why can’t I seat at home to watch a movie without the fear that ‘NEPA can take light’ any moment?

The truth is this: I could go on and on moaning and complaining but until I arise and at least attempt to make a change, I have absolutely NO RIGHT to complain. It is time for young Nigerians abroad to start seriously considering taking that bold step towards Murtala Mohammed International Airport. UK did not get this good from all its citizens running off to ‘greener pastures’. There are many more opportunities home than away
at least long lasting ones. There are jobs which promise you growth, opportunities for self-employment, you have the chance to live around people who care, the weather is not harsh, people don’t give you fake, one-second smiles, kids don’t get rude randomly to their parents and smoke in the streets, you don’t have to worry about work permit etc.

You could complain about security but really, where in the world is absolutely safe? We don’t hear of teenage killings in Nigeria as we do here. Moreover, crimes take place everywhere. I think it is high time we woke up and made a change as the youth of Nigeria. Let’s water our land for due time, we will reap the rewards

Here is a brief slideshow of what I miss and I’m looking forward to seeing again in Nigeria…

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

My fave oldies. Had to do some digging guys!

The original post can be found here.

That’s all folks (for now)


Lord, have mercy


Hi people, hope we are all chilling…

I was somewhere recently and someone referred us to Psalm 19:12-13. This passage says:

12Who can understand his errors? cleanse thou me from secret faults.

13Keep back thy servant also from presumptuous sins; let them not have dominion over me: then shall I be upright, and I shall be innocent from the great transgression.

This passage was broken down to me in ways that I really did not fully grasp. So I decided to ponder on it. I went back home and opened up my Bible and tried to understand what exactly David was on about here. What does he mean by ‘secret faults’? What do ‘presumptuous sins’ entail? Here are my findings on presumptuous sins…

Presumptuous sins mean willful and deliberate sins. This means that as we are about to do it, we are aware that it is wrong but we either say to ourselves, at our worst, ‘whatever!’ and at our best, ‘God understands and I will ask for forgiveness after’. We carefully orchestrate that lie we are about to tell. We construct it with such precision that we amaze ourselves.We know it is wrong but we go ahead and do it anyways.

David, the man after God’s heart, understood the dangers of presumptuous sins all too well and so he prayed for the grace and strength not to commit them. In verse 13, he spoke about it being not just transgression but great transgression. From a Bible commentary, I learned that in those days, ie before Christ, no sacrifice was accepted for it. Presumptuous sins are very heinous and dangerous. They eventually lead to a total separation from God and it reminds me of those Paul spoke of to Timothy that have had their conscience seared with a hot iron (1 Timothy 4:2).  They sin despite the habitual convictions and actual admonitions of their consciences. This type of disobedience is done in contempt and defiance of the law and its sanctions/repercussions.

Adam Clarke Commentary says these type of sins are committed not through frailty or surprise, but are those which are the offspring of thought, purpose, and deliberation. Sins against judgment, light, and conscience. It soon becomes a habit of sinning. He who sins presumptuously will soon be hardened and very soon their sin-ometer will change, their standards will change, their yardstick will change. When it comes to sexual immorality for instance, such a person will see absolutely nothing wrong in doing all but the actual deed. When it comes to fraudulent activities aka yahoo yahoo (is it still known as that?), such person starts speaking of it being retribution for the days of slave trade. This is absolutely not of God.

Note carefully that David does not say he needs to be purified from presumptuous sins. He does not pray, ‘Cleanse me from presumptuous sins’, but instead his desire is to be kept back from them in the first place. These were not sins to which he was readily prone, but he felt that the “errors” and “secret faults,” if not checked and `cleansed, ‘ would lead on to the “presumptuous” or deliberate sins, from which he therefore prays to be `kept back. ‘… “great transgression” is the climax of the “presumptuous sins”  rebellion’ (Jamieson, Fausset, and Brown Commentary).

Whenever we feel we are reaching this level, there is great need to cry to God for mercy and also help. The eventual result of leading a life filled with presumptous sins can be found in Romans 1 from verse 28:

And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient;

29Being filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers,

30Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents,

31Without understanding, covenantbreakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful:

32Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them.

God eventually will surrender such people to do evils that are unimaginable. It becomes a case of, ‘shebi you want to sin, oya sin very very well’ (excuse the vernacular). I pray that we will never get to this point in Jesus’ name. We need to take heed and listen to what the Spirit of God is telling us either through our thoughts or our conscience. We should take care not to deafen our ears to spritual admonition and warnings. We must not dull our spiritual sensitivity through presumptuous sins.

Each day, our hearts’ cry should be: Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer (psalm 19:14). I know that as we ask God, He will make His strength and grace available to us.


Now to my promised frequent revelations…

5 Random Fact About Me:

– My fingernails, for some reason, don’t grow beyond a certain point. I have tried it all but they just break or I bite them. I really admire girls with well groomed (real) long nails. But I guess God did not plan that for me 😉

-I am sensitive…extremely, and in a lot of regards. For instance, I usually know something is wrong before it becomes evident to all. I sense things. I pick up on subtle hints up to the extent that I sometimes frighten myself when it eventually comes to the fore. A friend of mine says, ‘Oh Temi, you like to worry and you over-think things’ but it’s just me.

-I love Joyce Meyer. She has a story to tell. She is real. She is relateable. She dishes out the word of God in a manner that is so practical. I just love her.

'Aunty Joyce'

-I love being with people yet I love love love my own company. I have been in my flat for three days in a row without stepping out for any reason. On the fourth day, I only went out to Costcutter to get milk and juice.

-I used to like Danielle Steel but I think she is a sadist. She makes you love a character and then kills them off and so, as a matter of principle and for my heart’s peace, I refrain from her books and movies.

-I can play scary tricks with my eyeballs. I discovered this gift/talent (lol) when I was 3 or 4, hehehe. Here’s a glimpse of what my eyes can do

PS: I’m loving Shanday’s recent post read it here!

Stay blessed,


The Back Up Plan


So many times, we receive an express instruction from someone on how to do something or even how NOT to do something. But because we don’t entirely trust their judgment, we have our own little plan on the side, just in case. I do this too. If the initial promisor makes good his or her promise, it’s all good. If they don’t, ope o, I have an Option B. So far, I usually get away with it. No one gets hurt. In fact these days, I have broadened my horizon. I now even have Plans C, D, E and F sometimes. This might be fine with human situations but with God, mehn, you better not try it. Lemme explain…

In 1 Samuel 15, King Saul did just this. He had a Plan B even after God had expressly given him instructions on how to handle the Amelekites (God’s enemies). But Saul had a brighter plan (in his mind). God told him to destroy every single living thing in the land. Nothing was to be left behind. Let’s read God’s instruction directly from the Bible guys…

Verses 2 and 3:

Thus says the LORD of hosts: ‘I will punish Amalek for what he did to Israel, how he ambushed him on the way when he came up from Egypt. 3 Now go and attack Amalek, and utterly destroy all that they have, and do not spare them. But kill both man and woman, infant and nursing child, ox and sheep, camel and donkey.’”

If you read that chapter, you would realise that Saul obeyed…but only partially. He attacked like he was told to do. He killed like he was told to do. However, he failed to totally obey. Verse 9 says: But Saul and the people spared Agag and the best of the sheep, the oxen, the fatlings, the lambs, and all that was good, and were unwilling to utterly destroy them. But everything despised and worthless, that they utterly destroyed.

He felt it was wasteful to destroy such lovely things. He was trying to help God. He was not 100% sure God knew what He was saying when He said ‘utterly destroy’. He decided to save the good things. He wanted to sacrifice them to God. In his mind, therefore, it was all for God’s glory anyways so what was the big deal really?

But it was a big deal to God. In fact, it was a very big deal…so big that God ‘repented’ of making Saul king. God regretted the day He chose Saul as king. Verse 11 says “I greatly regret that I have set up Saulas king, for he has turned back from following Me, and has not performed My commandments.” God was so displeased that no matter how much Samuel begged and pleaded on Saul’s behalf, there was no changing of God’s mind.

"Obedience is obedience"

Now this had me really really thinking and the summary of my musing is this: we must endeavour never to have Plan B with God. We must never live a life of partial obedience. We must totally surrender to God and total surrender entails total obedience. I also realised that ou never know that thing you will do that God might not relent on punishing you. David sinned but God still forgave Him and fought his battles for him. Saul was not so lucky. He was totally rejected and also, an evil spirit was sent to torment him (1 Samuel 16:14).

Whenever God tells us to take a certain step, don’t do it half way. If He says quit your job, don’t decide to go part time. If He says you should leave that relationship, don’t decide to ‘reduce’ your closeness with the fellow/girl. Leave totally. I just thought to share this with you all as we get to the middle of the week.

"Be hot or cold"

In the kingdom of God, partial is even worse than nothing at all.  Revelations 3:15-16 says ‘I know thy works, that thou art neither cold nor hot: I would thou wert cold or hot.16So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spue thee out of my mouth.” That is exactly what befell Saul. God spued him out because his heart was not in the right place.

I pray God will give us the grace to lead a life of total obedience to His instructions in Jesus’ name…Amen. I know it is not always easy but the truth is this: His grace is sufficient and His strength is made perfect in our weakness…

Have a lovely Wednesday!!!

That’s all people (for now)


Encourage yourself!


2011 came with so much excitement. Everyone at the Church service seemed so jubilant and ecstatic. We danced and danced. The new year was now upon us! Thank you Lord!

Later on that Saturday, the 1st of January, a friend and I were having a discussion about how 2011 meant we were now officially getting ‘old’, lol. I started the whole moaning episode but she was quick to let me know I had nothing to worry about since she was turning 30. That kept me mute.


Encourage yourself

There are so many times when we go about trading sob stories with our friends and basically, whoever has the saddest tale ‘wins’. This is our way of encouraging ourselves. However, what does the Bible say about self encouragement? I don’t think trading sad stories is the way forward. Let’s look to the story of David in 1 Samuel 30 and see exactly how he handled discouragement.

David’s family and city were attacked by the Amelekites in Ziklag. He lost everything. His two wives were taken captive and even his men considered stoning him in their anger. The Bible says David wept until he could weep no more. So what did he do thereafter? Did he swap tales of woe? Did he complain? Did he throw a tantrum? No, he encouraged himself in the Lord, 1 Samuel 30:6. He looked to God for wisdom on how to handle the situation and God came through for him. He ended up recovering ALL.

Watch my discussion of this topic here:


I don’t know how the year has been for you so far but when discouragement comes, we have to remember the source. It is always from the devil. Never will God send discouragement our way. When we trust in God, we run to Him for help. We remember His promise that the thoughts He has towards us are thoughts of good and not of evil to give you an expected end. This means that in the journey of life, there might be storms but we know that all things are working together for our good. This realisation makes us rest in the Lord and in His promises knowing that He is not man that He should lie.

Discouragement is a sign of lack of faith in God. It is a sign that we are moved by the things that we see which goes against what II Corinthians 5:7 tells us (we walk by faith and not by sight). Whenever depression sets in, we need to strengthen our faith in God. Whilst it is okay to feel sad and cry, we have to learn to snap out of it.

How exactly do we build our faith? Paul, in Romans 10:17, stated that faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God. We build our faith, therefore, by diving into God’s word. We refer to His promises which are able to build us up. We hold on to them and from there, our faith is made strong. That way, we can easily be built up. Though the post refers to ‘self encouragement’, it really is about the Word of God which builds us up.

I can easily give numerous instances of where this has worked for me. Over and over again, I realise that holding on to the Word of God yields great fruit.

Some of the promises that keep me going are:

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

Isaiah 55:12 For ye shall go out with joy, and be led forth with peace: the mountains and the hills shall break forth before you into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap [their] hands.

Psalm 23:6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.

Which ones encourage you the most?

No matter where discouragement seems to be seeping in, you need to remember that God’s Words are yea and amen and stand sure. It could be that you are looking for a job, seeking for direction in one area or the other, needing healing for a family member or even yourself. Whatever the case is, I pray that we keep on holding on to God’s promises which can never fail even as we carry on in this new month of February.

The Bible tells me so...

Love these songs!!!

Read my original post on Joseph Omotayo’s blog here:

God bless you.


I’m still here oh!


Hi people! I have been a tad quiet these days, I know. A lot is on my mind and I trust that God in His almightiness will make all things beautiful in its time. It’s hard blogging with a mind that is filled up. I have a number of posts in the oven and I can assure you that MCLA this February is gonna be amazing! Trust!

I like being original and I pride on always being that on this blog but today, I will post something someone sent to me that had me almost weeweeing on myself (I’m not even kidding here). Anyways, lemme not go on and on about it. Enjoy!

New Employment Rules for 2011

We will no longer accept a doctor’s certificate as proof of sickness. If you are able to get to the doctor, you are able to come into work.

Kort Kort pregnant is banned. You must first apply to your superiors and with their approval you’ll then be allowed to do pregnancy. It will only be allowed once in 10yrs and you only get 1 month maternity leave. No male shall get leave related to his wife’s pregnancy, sickness or even death (he is not a midwife, a doctor nor an undertaker).

Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider having anything removed. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

Each employee will receive 104 holidays per year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends or relatives. Every effort should be made to have non-employees to attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled for the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch-hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done.

This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks’ notice to allow time for you to train your own replacement.

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance: All employees whose names begin with ‘A’ will go from 8.00 to 8.20, employees whose names begin with ‘B’ will go from 8.20 to 8.40 and so on. If you are unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a co-worker. Both workers’ supervisors must approve this exchange in writing.
In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the toilets. At the end of 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper will retract, and the door will open..

Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so they can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that’s all the time needed to drink a Slimfast and take a diet pill.

It is advised that you must come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing designer clothing we will assume that you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay rise.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations or input should be directed elsewhere.
Have a nice day


PS – please charge the time spent reading this email to ANNUAL LEAVE.

And another one…



Prayers against all strange women in and around our husbands’/fiances’ lives.

Let’s pray.

1.Any strange woman trying to hug my husband/ fiance seductively, catch fire!

2.Any strange woman sitting on his laps, be unseated and seat on fire!

3.Any strange woman trying to collect money from him, somersault and die!

4.Anyone trying to destroy my home, die by fire In JESUS Name!!!!  Prayerrrrr!!!


Love this song and had not heard in a while so thought to share 🙂



Have a blessed Friday (night)!



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