Help! They hate her!

Hi people,

I’m a 31 year old guy who has been dating Funke for 10 months. I proposed to her 2 months ago. All my siblings live in England and have been there for a while so they have never met her before. Funke finished her Bar Finals in August and was going to be travelling to England to unwind before her NYSC begins. So I told her to go see them in Birmingham were they all live. I have 3 siblings-all girls, Tunmininu and Tunmishe are 28 year old twins and Tamilore is 25. They are all studying for their MSc at Birmingham University and could easily pass for triplets. The twins are not totally identical but it is clear they are siblings. Tamilore and Tunmishe are the ones who actually look like twins thereby making all three look so much alike. They are also extremely close and have always been. I value their opinion as my sisters and I have made decisions based on their views in the past.

***

I was so convinced Funke would get along with them. She is very respectful, well behaved and humble and I had no doubt they would hit it off like a house on fire. So convinced was I that I asked her to spend the weekend with them. I wanted them to get along so much. Funke had met my mom and dad and they love her. To cut a long tale short, Tunmininu and Tunmishe called me on Sunday night complaining bitterly about Funke. They called her lazy and unhelpful. They said they had to do some shopping at the market and she said she was too tired to come along with them and had to rest.

Tunmishe said,

‘Olumide, it was really disgraceful. I mean, she’s meeting us for the first time. She could not even ‘tiju‘ and just accompany us. It’s not like we were walking. We were taking a bus there and a taxi back so I don’t get it. When we got back, there she was-sleeping. When she eventually woke up, shebi she’ll at least have some shame and offer to help us cook or something. She went to the living room and started watching the Kardashians and gisting about them with Tami. It was really a shameful sight. When it was time for dinner, she refused what we offered her and went to the TESCO’s downstairs to get packed salad. What is she trying to say? That her perfect size 8 body would be destroyed and become like our own size 12 bodies abi? Ahn ahn kilode. Omo Yoruba ni wa o (we have a rich culture of respect and hardwork as Yorubas)and it is not done anywhere.’

***

I was weak. Anyone that has sisters knows that when they conspire, there’s nothing you can do but hope God confuses their language because otherwise, that Tower of Babel is going straight up! They told me not to tell her but that they were sorry, she was just too lazy for them and too vain and materialistic with her Gucci bag and Louboutin shoes. I could sense some envy but I dare not say that. You see, Funke is from an extremely wealthy home, the kind where even all her grandparents were trained in England and had serious old money. Her grandparents live in all those old Ikoyi homes and basically, she had never lacked anything. Aside of her parents’ wealth, her older brother ran a good business and she was on his monthly ‘payroll’ though she didn’t particularly work with him. Her combined monthly allowance from parents, grandparents, brother and  the occasional cash gifts from uncles and aunties was more than some people earn in 5 months. Despite this, I saw in her humility, love for those that lacked and a helpful nature. I know of at least 3 kids whose education and upkeep she is responsible for. And she didn’t tell me all these, I just randomly found out.

***

Even her parents are like that. I know of some managing parents who would grill you about how well your parents are doing and if your ‘Akinyele’ is of the Minister’s side. The day I went to theirs and met them, not once did they ask about any irrelevant information. They were loving and nice and genuinely happy to see their daughter in good hands. I drove into a house that looked like they were running a car dealership with my 2006 Camry and yet, every one, I mean every single person treated me as though I was the wealthiest person in the world and I could  see where Funke got her good nature from.

Even when Funke comes to mine, she’d help my mom in the kitchen. Gist with her about any and everything and my parents really like her. So now that the three most important girls to me all find her repulsive, I am really confused.

***

I asked Funke how the weekend went with my sisters and she responded, ‘Great! I really love them. They are so sweet and helpful and let me rest because I was having terrible cramps. I didn’t tell them because I didn’t want to be nursed but they were so kind to me. They made me breakfast. It was so nice.  All my fears about meeting your sister were all unfounded. What a lovely threesome!’

What to do?

***

Guys! This happens all the time. We claim we want to have amazing sisters in law and yet we are beastly to ours. We need to learn to show love to our in-laws and in-laws to be, especially the female ones since they are coming into our homes. We must receive them in genuine love and make them feel welcome. I’m not saying we should be fake and ignore every wrongdoing BUT we must treat them the EXACT same way we want to be treated by our husbands’ families.

Let’s stop being bitchy and quick to notice every wrong. Let’s make excuses for them and understand that backgrounds are very different. Not everyone grew up in a home where you wake up and resume duties in the kitchen. Not everyone is used to the whole saying yes to every offer in order to be polite. Not everyone has learned the politics of handling in laws. Let’s be accommodating. My mom is such an inspiration in this regard. Those girls are just plain lucky. They are on her BB and their pictures go up as her DP randomly with lovely status messages. I saw her chats with them once and they are really cool. That’s seed sowing in my opinion.

***

My prayer now is that God gives our brothers/sons great wives-not the ones that have come to kill, steal and destroy: kill the love they have for you; steal all they have and destroy relationships they have with their family. Because, I would be a liar to say there aren’t some Jezebelic women out there who all they think of is how to use the man dry. Their favourite song is ‘Chop my money!’ and they don’t ever intend to build the man and think up ideas to generate wealth for him. They make the man buy they the most expensive gifts on his relatively meagre salary. I mean, what business does a man earning 160k per month have buying a girlfriend 700 GBP Louboutin shoes? Priorities people. I’m all for being generous but wisdom is the principal thing. These women have no business with Proverbs 31 and some are even fetish. So I think we should pray that God separates our men from such vile women. We really should not be part  of those complaining bitterly that a woman is lazy etc.

Why can’t we all just get along?

God help us mehn!

Any thoughts?

Temiville.xoxo

Monster in Law!!!

Can I be honest? As in reeeaaally honest? I’ll go ahead and be honest anyways…hehehe. Up until I was 18, I was hoping to marry a guy whose mom was long gone (ie DEAD) and had NO sisters. *dodging daggers* Before you take me to the gallows, let me first point out that now, I don’t hold that hope anymore.

What exactly put these thoughts my way? For some ladies out there who have had a glimpse into what life can be with horrid in-laws, my justifications are simply unnecessary. They know them far too well. But for others who have been surrounded with stories of and personal amazing experiences with in-laws, I need to expatiate further.

Mothers-in-law and sisters-in-law too have the power to be the best thing that can ever happen to you or the absolute WORST! They have such strong holds on their sons/brothers in more ways than can be coherently explained. It is just way God made it. Also, women have this God-given power which if used in the good, Godly and loving way, can have a positive impact on all around them. Unfortunately, the reverse is also the case.

I have heard of cases where moms just cannot stand their sons being all loving, giving and caring to their daughters-in-law! They just go green with envy. I personally think it reminds them of the things they lacked in their own marriage because hardly will you find a woman in a beautiful marriage feeling bad when she sees her son building one for himself. It is just that same age-long woman versus woman jealousy. ‘How can this small geh be enjoying like this ehn? All the things I laboured for! Where was she when I sold firewood in the market to send him to school? Where was she? Tell me!’

To be fair, there are cases where moms love their sons so much and are just insanely protective of them and are suspicious of every girl. I mean every girl! They just do not trust them. They think they are pretending no matter what they do. If you like kneel down to the ground on Oxford Street till you knees begin to bleed, they will not budge! Here, it is not the envy that is influencing their behaviour, it is FEAR. Fear that ‘this girl is just not good enough for my son’.

 

I trust you NOT

 

So as the daughter in law in this case, what do you do? Do you begin to quote Psalm 35 LOUDLY which begins with ‘Contend, O LORD, with those who contend with me; fight against those who fight against me’ during your prayer sessions whenever she comes visiting so she can hear you reporting her to GOD? Do you hoover her legs and pretend it was ‘a mistake’ (now, where did that come from? hehehe). Do you do what Jennifer Lopez did to her monster mother-in-law? Check out this scene:

These, appealing as they may seem (to a mean few) are not the ways forward. I kinda like Ini Edo’s approach to her horrific mother-in-law, Patience Ozokwor in MOTHERS-IN-LAW. I thought she was fab up until when she started fighting with her. I don’t think that is a good idea. I really don’t. Watch it here:

I think the best thing to do is to continually show love to her. I know it seems foolish but you can only fight hatred with love. You can only overcome evil with good (Romans 12:21). Don’t just be a mumu however. A mumu is someone who in this situaton will just be showing love without PRAYING. You need to get down on your knees and ask God to help. You need to ask the Holy Spirit to give you WISDOM because wisdom is indeed the principal thing (Proverbs 4:7). You ‘cannot win the battle’ without God. No amount of love you show can do the trick. God needs to intervene.

 

All things are possible

 

Well, well, well…there you have it. However, for those of us single ladies out there, the best thing to do right now will not be to wish your future moms-in-law are already dead or die before we meet our husbands, the best thing is to begin to invest some hours per week in prayer SPECIFICALLY on this issue. Trust me it can bring bliss to a home when your mom-in-law is a  true MOTHER to you and it can also bring untold sorrows when she is a MONSTER. So ladies, open your mouth and let your prayers roar like THUNDER!!! hehehe.

By God’s grace we will be able to wear this badge without feeling like liars.

PS: I’m loving this song by Out of Eden  Have Mercy <—-click to listen.

That’s all folks (for now)

Temiville.xoxo