#SayNoToRape!

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Hi guys,

I was going to add this to my previous post as a ‘before I leave’ however, upon reflection I have decided that this is deserving of its very own post.

I left the office yesterday at about 8:15pm and tuned in to the Table of Men on 96.9 Cool FM. The topics were ‘what are the flimsiest excuses you have heard for people to avoid going to work?” and “What are the excuses you have been given or have given to get out of being bugged by a suitor for sex or a relationship?”

At about 8:40pm, a male caller said that he once met this girl, bought her drinks and thereafter expected to be receive remuneration/repayment i.e. sex. The girl then tried to avoid that by saying she was on her period. But ‘I didn’t care o, I forced her. I just forced her’.

Right there on radio, a man admitted to rape and no one thought it fit to escalate it (Freeze expressed some shock). It is like saying someone admits to murder. Would we just laugh it off and keep on moving like nothing happened?

I have tweeted at @CoolFMnigeria to dig out the rapist’s number and hand it over to the authorities. We really should learn to strongly condemn such actions! Those co-hosts of Freeze (all men) laughed it off. This is serious and should be treated as such. CoolFM should not assist a rapist in going free. He should be named and shamed if not prosecuted and convicted!

I am very disappointed in our society and hope that CoolFM will do the right thing!

Have a good day and always #SayNoToRape!

Please help me retweet. Cool FM has ignored my messages and has carried tweeting about other things like Rape means nothing.

My handle is @temiville.

Temiville.xoxo

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What’s all the fuss about submission in marriage?!

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Hey people!

Good morning. Current situation: It is 6:07 am and I am typing away as I sit on my bed. O is re-ironing his shirt in the laundry room because it just never stays well-ironed. I have packed lunch and I am dangerously at risk of not leaving the house before 6:20! But I just have to let this one out…

I am an interesting person (if I may say so myself). As ‘modern’ as I may appear, I am a totally traditional person at heart. This means I expect(ed) to be wooed and to front for a while and then eventually to agree and for the man to be feeling so grateful to God, not believing his good fortune that he found such a good thang! This also means that I believe that my husband is the head of our home. Aside of being traditional, I have learned the paths God expects us to tow in life and I believe that it is for a woman to submit to her husband and for her husband to love her and for them both to submit to one another in love. The Bible says in Ephesians 5:22, Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church.

A few people have asked me, “what exactly does it mean to submit to your husband?” “Temi, does that mean you let O walk all over you whilst you obediently coo at him waiting on him for the next set of instructions?” The answer is very radical and should encourage those that are single to ensure they marry the right man, the type they can genuinely submit to the way the Lord intends.
Let your husbad lead
Submission is defined as the action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person. Another definition states that it is the ​act of ​allowing someone or something to have ​power over you. Submission means to accept a contrary view and go with something you do not necessarily agree with and not sulk in disappointment wishing the plans fail so you can say “I told you so”. Submission does not mean allowing your husband say his own and then use your woman power to conquer him into agreeing with you. It means going with his flow and praying and hoping to God that river is flowing in the right direction! This is earth shattering. It means if you are in the passenger seat and the man is driving and you see him heading in the wrong direction, you cannot wrestle the wheels from him! All you can do is remember that the heart of the king is the hands of the Lord and like a river of waters, He can turn withersoever He willeth. Because, girl, your man is your king. Have you seen how kings are treated? Have you ever seen anyone argue with a king openly. Have you seen a king slapped in public or ridiculed?

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What this means is that you have to be very careful who you marry. You have to be careful whose decision will prevail in your life. You have to be careful who will train toyr children. You have to be careful whose leading you will follow when opinions differ and yes, they will! You cannot afford to be driven into the bush so you must go with (a) a good driver; and (b) someone who knows the Way. You need a man who understands that submission is not a license to be abusive to you or to be inconsiderate.

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This is NOT what submission in marriage means!!!

It is more a responsibility than a privilege to be submitted to. It means God looks at you as a man to give account of how you have led your home. It’s like being a team leader. A team leader is to lead and be obeyed but when its time to give reports, it is the team leader who gets marked down for leading his team astray or praised for doing well. As young single ladies, you need to assess the man you are with: can I trust you? Are you being led by God or you are just going to be doing your own thing? Do you love God? Are you a good person? Will you teach our children good morals?

Submission is serious business people. It is especially humbling when you are clear in your mind that your views are superior yet you have to obey. I have read about Queens Vashti and Esther and learned how to treat a man. Whilst the Vashti context might be inapplicable in our times, the underlying principle remains incontrovertible. You have to submit to your husband. You have to learn how to approach your head/your king when you wish to convey your differing views. First of all, you need to begin by getting direction from God as you may actually not be right. Then, when you get confirmation from God, prayerfully approach him. Do not build your home on arguments and fights, it leads to destruction in your home. You lose with each argument you win.

I have done a survey of some marriages I think are happy and one thread is common- the woman has made up her mind to do God’s will without first waiting to check if her husband is loving her as God commanded. They put their men first. They hold them in high esteem. They celebrate them. They praise them. They leave absolutely no room for others to insult them. They shield their men. They honour their men and submit to them (at least in my eyes sha).

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You can’t be always sharp-mouthed, talking down at him, bickering in the presence of others and winning arguments with your high intellect and think your home will be happy. You have to decide which is more important to you as a woman and work hard towards it. Do you want to be the Boss in your home or your want to be a Queen to your King?

Please don’t get me wrong, I am certain there are some men out there who long for a woman that will challenge their every statement and fight to the last but from my research such men are very few. Even [ “modern men” who enjoy intellectual banter still love to be and to feel like the heads of their respective homes.

I thank God for His grace over my life and my marriage. I thank God because it is relatively easy to submit in my marriage. Though not always easy, God has been granting me the grace to submit because I am naturally a strong minded person with a very clear picture of how my life and all its inhabitants should be. I know what I want my home to look like. I know how I want my children raised. I know which schools I want them to attend. I know EXACTLY what I want. So naturally, I feel the pinch when O thinks the way to go is East and I am convinced it is West. I thank God however because I am not submitting to errors and wrong direction and that I have not married a destiny destroyer who would lead me astray. I thank God for my mothers (my biological mother and my mom in law) from whom I have learned the art and the act of submission.

I grew up seeing my mom pray on her knees in relation to a particular project she has a conviction on instead of fighting it out with my dad when he disagrees with her. I remember many times my mom and I would join hands and agree that my dad would change his mind on a particular request I made that he had said “no” to. I have also seen many unhappy marriages where the woman is the captain of the ship, where is her way or the highway or no sex for 3 months. Her words are yea and amen. Her instructions prevail even over her husband’s. Those marriages are never ever happy, They may seem so now but anything that attempts to upturn the instructions of God cannot possibly thrive, or can it?

So what am I saying? To be happy in your marriage and enjoy God’s idea of a fulfilling home, you have to submit to your man. However, it is easier, better and advisable to submit to a ‘beta person’ therefore, see to it that you marry a beta person.

I pray God will keep strengthening us and giving us His grace to do His bidding in our homes. So what if you are convinced you did not marry a beta person? What do you do? Hmm, this is not very easy to answer but I will leave you with this scripture and give you feedback on my views soon…

1 Peter 3:1

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives. While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.

In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, 2as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. 3Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; 4but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.

Have a lovely Wednesday!

Temiville.xoxo

When we fast and pray, mountains move!

5 Comments

Hello people,

Remember me? 🙂

How have you guys been. Trust you have been well. I have been excellent and my son, E, is doing very well. Thanks for all your kind words. Work has kept me away from me ooo. Direct all your complaints to my office lol. It is hard conveying the depths of my heart to you when I have clients to attend to. And juggling wifehood, motherhood has taken some getting used to. But today, I feel totally drawn to share a little something with you.

For the past year, I have struggled to fast. It started very gradually after I discovered I was pregnant. I was told and constantly reminded myself that pregnant people do not fast. The baby needs all the nutrients he can get and must thus not be deprived. So whilst I did not eat for two, I certainly ensured that that one person was well satisfied. And so, all through my 40 weeks/10 months of pregnancy, I did not ever really fast and even after, I was informed to eat well so that I may have enough milk with which to feed my baby. So for the past 8 months since having my son plus 10 months of pregnancy, I have not engaged in that spiritual exercise called fasting and I feel its absence in my life.

I used to enjoy the one day or 2 day a week fasting. Sometimes, only till 12 noon, some other times all the way till 6pm. A couple of times, I have gone the whole nine yards and done the biri biri aka dry fast, 3 days max. These experiences have been rewarding, refreshing, reinvigorating. I always come out feeling renewed. I have clarity in relation to a question or confusion or crossroads of life. I get my head cleared. I am happier and fulfilled and I know what exactly it is that I am doing.

During my fasts, I would pray frequently. Listen to my favourite speakers on the Word of God all day at work, listen to music, be in tune with all things that keep me focused on my goal: to know Him more.

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This post is thus to encourage someone like myself who has forgotten the importance, efficacy and sheer power of fasting and prayer. You might have had a genuine reason like I did not to fast but it is time to revive the fire and seek the face of God. Not every time fasting to have prayers answered or demons/strongmen/difficult problems solved like Jesus referred to in Matthew 17: 21 where he stated that, certain kinds of issues of life do not go out except by prayer and fasting. Sometimes, fasting to thank God and remind Him that you recognize the importance to give up the cravings of the flesh in order to build up your inner man. Fasting has so many many benefits and it is important to have your reason for fasting and praying written down clearly. That keeps you focused and you can know when the things have changed in your lives.

Fasting keeps you humble and malleable to the reconstruction of God and molding of your life in accordance with his desires. Fasting and prayer break yokes- yokes of addiction, yokes of ill-health, yokes of life generally. Fasting breaks the chains that hold us back..

So even as I observe my “lunch break” at work, I feel so compelled to speak to even one person today to get out your bible, and take out some days to fast and pray and watch God do wonders in your life.

Have a great week!

Temiville.xoxo

Reader Post: The Quest for Marriage by Ginika

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I had danced in front of audiences a few times before, but this time was different: I couldn’t hide behind anyone; it was just myself and two friends on stage. I was terrified. We walked out of the small changing room in a Hall at school. All three of us were just about to go on stage to perform a dance routine that we put together ourselves for an annual event. The entire time, before we went on stage, I was thinking of our performance and hoping that we would do well. The time finally came… and then it passed. It ended with the audience cheering and applauding. That was a really nice boost of confidence. I was so relieved, more because I didn’t have to worry about it anymore, than because they loved it.

As we walked off stage towards the changing room, two young men pulled us aside. They
introduced themselves as Olu and Ugo. We chatted with them for a bit and then we parted ways. After the conversation, all I could think about was how Olu sounded so arrogant. I was very irked by this man and the words that came out of his mouth. He made a really bad first impression. We got to the changing room, changed into our regular clothes and went back out to the hall to enjoy the rest of the event. The night turned out pretty nice – good food, great people, nice atmosphere.

A not-so-long while later, one of my friends that I danced with sent me a message, saying Olu asked her if I hated him. I just laughed and told her to tell Olu to reach out to me directly if he had something to say to me. He came to my church quite often, so I knew I’d see him soon. A few days later, he followed me on Instagram, but didn’t say a word. Weeks after that, he stopped by at my church, he approached me, we exchanged pleasantries, then he asked to confirm my number. I told him what it was. He had already gotten this from a mutual friend, who visited from another city, a few weeks back.

Did I explain how he got my number? I guess not. A friend of mine who went to the same
University as myself came to town to visit. He used my phone to make a call to avoid long distance charges. He happened to make this call to Olu. Olu saw my number (caller ID) and saved it. My friend went back home a few days later… then out of the blue, I get a “Hey” text message at about 10pm. I was already asleep at the time. So I woke up to the text from a number that wasn’t on my contact list. I dialled the number on my way to work. I hate not knowing things, so I had to figure out who this was. The phone rang, Olu picked up, and then I said “hey, who’s this?, I got a text message from you last night”. Olu responded with

“Oh sorry, I sent the message to the wrong number”.

We ended the call.

That explains how he got my number. Thus, when he approached me a few weeks later, he
asked to confirm my number because he already had it. As you probably guessed already, another few weeks passed by before Olu decided to reach out again. This time he asked to have lunch. I didn’t cook that week and I figured that a casual lunch wouldn’t hurt; so I obliged.

We got to the restaurant, placed our orders and sat down to have lunch. The food wasn’t bad at all and Olu seemed pretty nice. We chatted about a few things, but he kept going on and on about marriage. He talked about how most of his friends are
either married or about to get married and he felt so much pressure being around them. I couldn’t really relate. I do have a few friends that are married, but most of my mates aren’t.

As it turned out, the lunch date wasn’t too bad. So after that I thought to myself “He is not as bad as I perceived him to be initially, I guess we can be friends”.
He reached out again…and again… and again… and we started dating.

He’d cook for me, we’d go places together. He did a good job catering to me so it was easy to see that he really cared about me. I definitely loved knowing that. One day he said to me that he thought I hated him. I told him I never did and do not. That I
didn’t know him enough to hate him. I just didn’t like his attitude and that he always came off as an arrogant person to me and I am not a fan of such people. Then I mentioned that I have seen another side to him that I never saw before and that my perception had changed.

As the days passed, we’d talk, but it seemed like we talked less and less each time. I mean we could have a hour-long conversation and not learn anything new about each other or learn to understand each other better. The more we spoke, the more we talked about the things in our lives that had to do with our careers. Actually, the more we talked, the more I got lectures about how I was doing in my career. The whole time I thought to myself “I can’t believe I have someone like this who cares so much about me that he would put in so much effort and try so hard to help me move forward and up”. But, these conversations were always about what I needed to change, what I could work on, what I was doing wrong, never what I was doing right. I overlooked this.

When we did not have conversations about my career, it was usually quite formal and short compared to how it was initially. Less outings, fewer conversations, more ignored phone calls and messages. We discussed our frustrations and how things had gone downhill so quickly, but nothing changed. It only seemed to get worse. I overlooked this.

One day, we set off to have lunch with a friend of his. We went over to a Vietnamese restaurant, I believe. We sat down, chatted for a bit and decided to place our orders. Before we did that, he told me what I should order. He didn’t even bother to ask what I wanted. Did he care? I guess not. Sometime after, I mentioned that I felt he was controlling; He disagreed with me. I overlooked this as well.

Eventually, things ended. Before this happened, I actually dreamt that it would. This was God giving me a sign and telling me to let go ASAP. But guess what? I disregarded His sign. Bottom line is I overlooked a lot of things that I was not ok with, because of the things I held unto. Did I hold unto love? Did I love this man? Did I see this as my happily-ever-after? Maybe… Maybe not…

The truth is I didn’t love him. There was never a connection at such a level. There was mutual likeness. He was very much into me and he showed it… at the start… and I fell for what I got from him… at the start. I remember praying every night for peace and harmony and for things to get better and to get to a point where I didn’t have to keep praying the same prayer over and over and over again. I prayed to God to end it if it wasn’t right, regardless of how it ended and for him to enable me to accept it. But I still held on tight to what I knew wasn’t love. Even after God had revealed to me that he wasn’t right and that it will end. I still held on. What exactly did I hold unto?

Almost 10 years ago, I remember having a conversation with my friends back in secondary school. We talked about our futures: our preferred careers, how we’d like to live, and getting married. I remember saying I’d love to get married young. I even remember the age I mentioned; I said I’d love to get married at 23. So I held unto my word. I held unto my word from years back when I knew nothing about relationships, nothing about what the right foundation for a great marriage is, nothing about life after the ceremony called a wedding. I held unto my word and assessed everyone that approached me; age was always a factor. He had to be a certain number of years older in order for me to take him seriously.

I convinced myself that the older the man, the more prepared he would be for marriage; the more willing he would be to get married in 3 years or even less; the more stable he would be, financially and career wise. So, I held unto my word despite the fact that things were not right, despite the fact that I was unhappy, despite the fact that I wanted true love and I didn’t have it with him, despite the fact that I wanted a friend and a lover, despite the fact that I wanted peace, despite the fact that my goofiness was unacceptable to him, despite the fact that I had to kill a part of me to please him, despite the fact that I was talked down to, despite the fact that my opinion was usually dismissed and disregarded, despite the fact that I was in pain, despite the fact that I was belittled, despite the fact that…

One thing I have learnt from this experience is to always trust your first instinct. I had a negative perception about him initially. I thought he was arrogant. I may have been wrong about that, but I wasn’t wrong about knowing that he wasn’t right for me.
A man will do anything to get a woman he really desires. He doesn’t even mind leaving himself behind, taking on a whole new persona just to get you into his back pocket. Marriage is a lifetime commitment. Would you rather get married young and be unhappy or get married later than you expected and live happily?

Before getting into any relationship, put God first. Pray to him, and if you don’t get an answer immediately, pray harder, seek him harder. If it’s meant to be, it will be, so why rush it? It is a lifetime commitment, so you will be together for life, happily. So, please wait. Do not rush into anything because of the unrealistic goals you may have implicitly set for yourself or because everyone else around you is married or getting married. Love is much more important than an early marriage.

As for me, I still hold unto my word of getting married early. I’ll still like to of course. But, the difference is that now, this doesn’t control me. I know what matters now. I know what I need to focus on now. And this is my happiness.

***

This is a beautiful post written by an MCLA reader, Ginika. I hope you enjoyed and learned from it. Have a blessed week ahead.

Temiville.xoxo

When opinions differ…

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Hey lovelies,

HAPPY NEW YEAR to you all! I wish you the very best of this year 2015. May God protect you all and yours too. May sickness not befall you or yours. May your planes not crash. May no accident befall you. May those looking to the Lord for admission, jobs, career direction, spouses, children etc all be met at their points of needs in Jesus’ name. Odun yi a tura ko ni lekoko mowa o (this year will be blissful for us all in Jesus’ name) AMEN.

Today, I want to discuss one of the first issues that I had to deal with as a married woman and how it was dealt with. It might sound pretty trivial to some people but if like me, since the age of 14, you had been fantasising about something and suddenly a decade and more after, you find out you are not gonna have it, it might be an issue. I had alluded to it in my last post and would like to discuss it in greater depth now: Honeymoon or lack thereof!

You see, at 14 or so, I started envisioning my honeymoon. I dreamt of white sands, lovely views, beautiful beaches, lovingly staring into my husband’s eyes as he blesses the Lord for giving him such a prized possession. At 21, I had started googling possible destinations. By the time I met my husband, O, I had narrowed my options to about 7 possible locations and by the time we knew it was marriage-bound, I was already using style to find out about visa procedures for my options. I mean, nothing could interfere with my fun filled, passion filled 2 week adventure with O. I was therefore not prepared for the extreme disinterest O exhibited when I started discussing with him. He was so not bothered I felt slapped in the face! Eventually, due to work exigencies and his total lack of interest and not wanting to ‘follow trends’, we had to postpone the honeymoon. Till date, I still have not been honeymooned…lol!

top-honeymoon-destination

I can laugh about it now but then, it was such a big deal. Our opinions completely and entirely differed on the subject. He did not see the big deal in it. If it was convenient, sure let’s go to Accra, The Gambia, Bora Bora or St Tropez but if it’s not, let’s postpone and go when convenient. He was very pragmatic about the whole thing and I just did not get it or get him! I felt robbed of my rightful possession…my dream holiday where I can wear my monokini or bikini or nada freely.

I had a few options open to me: I could look at couples’ instagram pictures of how they enjoyed their honeymoon and be quietly bitter and feel deprived. I could moan and lament to O about it till he feels pressured and hops on a plane with me where he will then be gloomy and I will end up hating the whole thing or I could choose to remember that a honeymoon is just a holiday at the end of the day. There will be many many more and because it feels like I sacrificed, O will be sure to pull all stops whenever the right time comes. I painfully chose the third option and it has been a great blessing in my marriage.

As a person, as much as I enjoy looking at other people’s lives i.e. through wedding blogs, instagram pictures etc, I understand its their own path not mine. I don’t feel envy and I don’t aspire to what God has not destined me to be. I have my dreams and hopes and it is not shaped by others’. This helps in staying grounded and deciding what is worth fighting over and what should be overlooked.

For some, it is a seemingly minor decision like honeymoon destination or whether or not to go. For others, it is a major issue like relocating and quitting one’s job because of a spouse’s new job. These things have a way of subtlety rocking a marriage /relationship and must be handled delicately. You should know what is too important to be waived and what is really not a big deal. Pick your battles and don’t fight them with your words etc, fight them on your knees in prayer first before discussing with your partner.

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I just thought to share and yes, I’m still owed our honeymoon and at the right time, we shall go…hehe.

Have a lovely Friday!

Temiville.xoxo

Looking back at 2014…

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Hi readers,

Miss me? Lol… Blame it on my work o. It is so hard combining starting out a new job and blogging especially as I generate my content myself. No excuses and no promises other than I shall try to be more consistent. The Indian website guru I engaged to sort out my website has decided not to deliver so that project is still on hold for now.

So today, I am bursting forth with gratitude. I am grateful for so many things and I decided what better way to end the year than to count my blessings and give God praise for each one of them.

A few people have also asked me to give them tales of marriage, how it is living with a man, the challenges and how we deal with them and I think that sounds great. I have had that in mind and I will ask for the boo’s consent to blog about him…let’s call him O. You see O is incredibly private. I am too but he is 5 times more private than I am so it might take some cajoling given that my blog is not exactly anonymous… I have decided to either be totally open or not bother at all. I will let you know his response.

2014 started great but God has really surpassed all my expectations and has given me and my family way more than we asked for.

I had my introduction in February. Got my ring after my intro (lol, O is unconventional and quite traditional so he had to ask properly first and then the ring came after) Oh btw, I picked my ring o. O is also quite pragmatic…No use doing lemme surprise you and it turns out to be a bad surprise so I chose the ring and when next he travelled he produced it and gave it to me on my birthday. So there was no mushiness or please marry me blah blah blah. I mean we had already started planning our wedding!!!

After the introduction, planning proper commenced. O is simple and really didn’t understand why a wedding should have more than 300 guests at the most. I was planning for 1000 so you can imagine my shock horror when O insists that I should find a way of cutting down the number…it is a wedding ceremony not a carnival… I decided to start practising what Pastor V our marriage counsellor had been teaching. Don’t argue, discuss… Omo, O was just not budging at all. My incredible planner needed information in order to proceed and there was no way I could tell her to search for a 300 capacity marquee/venue.

I decided to pray about it and leave it to God. I kept reminding myself…Temi, it is about the marriage not about the day so please don’t start your marriage with fight because of some guests who probably don’t really care about you guys anyway. Eventually, O agreed and we ended up getting this amazing hall with a capacity of over 1000 but we were expecting max 700 and decided to cater to about 1200. That was just the beginning of compromises on both sides…from why we need 3  photographers as well as a Photo Booth, cocktails as well as two mobile bars, how many tiers cake should have, why we need a popular comedian to MC, etc. O and I had to learn compromise and I advise couples planning their wedding to learn that the planning stage is your first test of the marriage and you must ensure you pass it. Don’t give up all your dreams just to be Mrs Proverbs 31, submissive and be miserable on your wedding day. But please don’t start fighting over these things. So not worth it. I am grateful to God for the planning stages, for my amazing planner, our families, friends and for my awesome O.

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Intro

The engagement and wedding went great, I don’t think I noticed 60% of the things I fussed over. I didn’t notice that the small chops had snails and prawns or that there were fruit cones. Imagine if O and I had fought over these trivial matters! Another issue that got me tearing my hair was the issue of honeymoon. I had just started a new job and was not entitled to more than 5 days compassionate leave. I wanted to beg to take it unpaid but O said not to and that it how till date your girl never go on honeymoon though we went to the Intercontinental sha which was pretty decent. O said don’t worry, there will be so many other trips you will forget the honeymoon. Now, guys, I am so grateful we decided to hold off on the honeymoon men.

Marriage has been interesting, challenging and rewarding. We have argued, made up, laughed, cried (at least me cos i can be a cry baby), prayed, forgot to pray, had mad fun, had some bleh sit-at-home all weekend days, left for work as  early as 5:40 am, come back home at 11pm etc. But through it all, I look back and thank God for my husband, my home and the bright future glimpses of which I see every now and then.

God had blessed the work of our hands and is daily loading us with benefits and causing us to be fruitful in all we do. We are indeed grateful as we look back at 2014 and are thankful and excited as we anticipate what 2015 has in store.

I pray that God’s mercies will overshadow us all and His protection will never leave us…

Cheers to 2014! It’s been real!!!

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Temiville.xoxo

For the sake of ‘Peace’

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For the sake of peace, I have endured much. I dated you and all was well until the 13 month when I started keeping mute ‘for the sake of peace’. You would snap at me for no reason. I would beg for your forgiveness for getting sad that you hurt me. You would ignore me for days and ask me to go and ‘think about whether I am truly ready to be a wife and mother’. You would point out that a good woman is a strong woman and not overly sensitive about non-issues. I would promise to be this good woman for you, for us. Never did I point out that a bit of improvement on your part would go a long way in helping our relationship as well. What was interesting is that you are younger than I by 13 months and I am naturally a strong willed woman. But with you, I became a shadow of my true self.

Before purchasing any clothing, I would imagine how you would look at me in them. If I felt you would hate it, I would drop it. I sought your approval like a little puppy with its owner. I abandoned my friends and family who all thought I was in ‘love land’. Hmm…love land? I was in horror lane. We only looked good in public. You would speak with your friends and colleagues for ages and with me, it was a mumble or two. But you hid it well. Well enough that the average person admired our relationship and longed for one like ours. Be careful what you wish for people. Not all is as it seems.

On the 29th and 30th of April 2011, we got married. My heart was heavy but I masked it well. Especially on the day of our engagement, I knew I was walking into a trap. But how was I to turn back? How was I to give up now? So I danced like I had just won a jackpot. I swayed from side to side, turned around and went down. I was the perfect bride. I was beautiful. I looked happy. It’s like God gave me one last chance to avoid a lifetime of pain. After all the guests had left on the engagement day, I called your phone, you didn’t pick and neither did you call me back and I really had to give you the ring you had forgotten with me. The groom should be with the ring!

Truth is, anyone could have delivered the ring to you. Even my father would have been happy to go to yours to hand-deliver it. But I chose instead to go myself. I got to your parents’ house where you stayed that weekend and you still weren’t there. I handed over the ring to your sister and made my way home. I kept calling you till 1 am when you picked up and immediately shouted, ‘Woman, why are you trailing me?!’ I explained why I had been calling and you replied that that was just an excuse and I could have given anyone or even waited till the next day. You went on and on, saying you would not take this kind of behaviour, you were at the club with your people and found it embarrassing that your friend had to tell him to go out to pick. Apparently, they had all witnessed it as you deliberately ignored each call since 10:00pm.

The next day, I married you anyway. I walked down the aisle with my father and he handed me over to you…

sad-bride

Watch out for Part 2!

 

Temiville.xoxo

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