Towards tomorrow (Being found by your Partner)

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Wandering through life…a journey before me. Where do I turn? With whom do I walk? Only You my Saviour, my God and my rock know. Lead me Oh Lord.

I’m introducing a new series entitled ‘Towards tomorrow’. The idea is to encourage us to commit our future into God’s hands by focussing on different facets of our lives. By so doing, we are pretty much investing into our future.

To be honest, I have tried to do things the best way I know how but I have found that only the Lord’s way is right. Towing the path He sets before us helps us evade unnecessary stress, anxiety, worry and trouble. As one wise man once told me, prayers are seeds. By praying today, you sow into your future and you will surely reap it.

I’ll be posting prayers I find on different topics as often as I can. Today, it is on our future partners. Please, feel free to pray it too. In fact, I’d encourage it.

Before we go into the prayers, I want to share with you all a personal story. People on twitter have already been given an overview of this tale. However, I wish to use this platform to give a more detailed version of my experience. This is not it happened to one ‘Ifeoma’ or one ‘Mary’. It happened to me, Temi. Read and learn.

I moved to Nigeria sometime in March this year. I felt it was time to start another phase of my life-post student phase. My mom, a very prayerful woman, prayed and prayed for me that day I stepped into Naij. One particular prayer point she kept mentioning was that God should lead me to my partner and soon too. I said amen…with my whole heart, lol.

Anyway, everyday I go out, there’s this feeling that ‘today might be the day’ if you know what I mean, hehehe.  On a more serious note, I always pray that God should open my spiritual eyes so I don’t miss out on His best for me. I always pray that as I keep myself engaged in his business and delight myself in Him, He will sort me out. If you have been following MCLA for a while now, you would know that as much as I value spirituality and a close relationship with God, I would really like for my future partner to be tall . Read my musing on this here.

So one fateful day, I met this young gentleman somewhere near my Local Government (Eti Osa 1). I gave him my number after debating it for a while. I thought, oh well, if he turns out to be a nuisance, I’ll just never pick. It’s not that serious. So, like I said, I gave him my number and we got talking. Lagos is a very busy place and I am an introvert so in the period of two months, we saw each other face to face for a total of 45 minutes or so. The rest was just chatting on the phone. He looked good-on paper. Speaks well though he had a bit of the dreaded hybrid accent. The hybrid accent, as I term it, is spoken by people who can’t make up their minds whether they want to do it the Yankee, Jand, Jamaican, Kenyan or Nigerian way. So they just serve up their speech in a mixture of all variations. We heard this a lot during the Most Beautiful Girl in Nigeria pageant. Too funny. I digress.

This dude used to talk about his church and his pastor at his RCCG in Surulere. He even used to give me summaries of the message (well this happened once). Although, he looked good on paper, somewhere in my mind, I was not comfortable and the fact that we never really used to see made it easy for me to think straight. He had one thing going for him big time though- he was tall, my kind of tall.

To cut the very long story short, one fateful evening, we were speaking over the phone and I was on the internet so I decided to look him up on Facebook. I asked for his ID and I found some disturbing things. I kinda was expecting to see that he is in a relationship or something of that nature but that would have been mild in comparison to my findings which go thus:

1. He has a different name on Facebook from what he gave me. He quickly tried to allay my suspicion by telling me the name he gave me was his middle name. I was still confused. If anything, the name on your FB should be your middle name while you give me your real name not the other way round. It was therefore very worrying that he had given me a name he does not really go by.

2 and most shocking. It turned out bros is actually a practising muslim! Yes, you read me right. On his FB, he liked about 15-20 pages praising Islam and the deities thereof. Don’t get me wrong, a number of my nearest and dearest are muslim but I have decided to marry a Christian so had I known this dude was muslim, I would have known how to categorise our relationship from the get-go. His 6 3 frame would not have meant anything. Not only is he a muslim, he appeared to be a very strong one as even my muslim friends don’t have their FB profiles sprinkled with so much religious bits and pieces.

Now, what shall we say to these things?

I had heard about this type of behaviour: man pretending to be a Christian, lady marries him, a day after wedding, he brings out his mat to pray. But to be honest, I found it a bit ridiculous. It was almost unbelievable. This has proved to me that it is not as outrageous as I thought. There are so many men/women out there who would alter their personal profiles to suit yours when they meet you. It takes only God to unveil these things before it is too late. If you are not the type to commit it all into your Father’s hands and simply ask for His stamp of approval after falling in love, it might end up in a disaster.

You know if we had been talking and seeing more, I could have fallen and next thing, I would join the league of ladies who are ‘praying for the partners to change’. This revelation exposed my limitations to me and made me appreciate once again that only God can help and lead us aright. Hence, the need to ask for His grace and His mercy and His leading…

No, the moral of the story is not that it is wrong for me to want a tall person, lol. The moral is that I have no wisdom of my own and only God can reveal ‘the One’ to me. Therefore, I should cling to him…alone.

This is a prayer I believe sums looking unto God for the His choice of a spouse for us all up. Let us pray it as often as we can.

***

Lord God, your Word declares that if I delight myself in you—if I enjoy and seek your pleasure above mine—you’ll give me the desires of my heart (Psalm 37:4). Desiring a husband is neither evil nor selfish because marriage is honorable (Hebrews 13:4).

At the beginning of creation, you proclaimed, “It is not good that man should be alone” and then you created Eve to be a suitable partner for Adam (Genesis 2:18). In the name of Jesus, I ask that you would protect the husband—a suitable partner—you have chosen for me.

Because the covenant of marriage is sacred (Mark 10:9), I ask for a man of God. Please give me a husband whose love for me is only outmatched by his love for you; a man who will cherish me and build me up (Proverbs 31:28); a man who will honor me (I Peter 3:7) and our marriage vows; a man who will be a good father and provider; a man whom I will be attracted to physically, emotionally, and spiritually; a man who will love me as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25).

Keep me from attaching myself to another man out of desperation. I will not settle for a relationship that’s second best, convenient, or one that feeds my insecurities. Guard my purity and give me the patience to wait. And when I meet him, confirm to me that he is the one.

Release from me the baggage of past relationships, and prepare me for the man You have chosen to be my husband. Free me from any hindrances to a healthy and godly marriage: insecurities, habitual sins, selfishness, and emotional hurts.

Dispel my unrealistic expectations that set me up for disappointment. I place my trust in you rather than my partner.

In this period of waiting, I will look to you alone to be my companion and best friend. You are the one who redeems my life from the pit, who crowns me with love and compassion, who satisfies my desires with good things (Psalm 103:4-5).

I will not be anxious, but as I present my requests to you, flood me with the peace that surpasses all understanding so my heart and my mind are guarded in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:6,7). In this request, I commit myself to trust you and do good, to dwell in the land and feed on your faithfulness. I commit my way to you and trust that you will bring it to pass (Psalm 37:35). Amen.

NB: I’m not one to use prayer books, that was until I found this one two days ago: Prayers to move your mountains by Michael Klassen and Thomas Freling. The prayers there are basically like reading your Bible-they are all taken out of God’s Word. I recommend it!

*I’m thanking God for healing in advance*

On a note so cheery note, may the soul of Christie Essien Igbokwe rest in peace. She passed away this morning after a brief illness.

Have a nice weekend people!

Temiville.xoxo

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Nigerian Blog Awards-Please vote (for me :-))

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Thanks guys for nominating Musings of a Caramel Latte Addict for the 2011 awards. Much appreciated!

The nominees for the 2011 Nigerian Blog Awards are:

  1. Best Beauty Blog
  2. Best Blog by a Blogger based outside of Nigeria
  3. Best Blog by a Nigeria-based Blogger
  4. Best Book, Poetry or Writing Blog
  5. Best Collaborative or Group Blog
  6. Best Daily Read
  7. Best Designed Blog
  8. Best Entertainment Blog
  9. Best Fashion or Style Blog
  10. Best Fitness or Health Blog
  11. Best Food Blog
  12. Best Magazine or News Blog
  13. Best Music Blog
  14. Best New Blog
  15. Best Parenting Blog
  16. Best Personal Blog
  17. Best Photography Blog
  18. Best Political Blog
  19. Best Religion Blog
  20. Best Science or Technology Blog
  21. Best Sports Blog
  22. Best Student Blog
  23. Best Travel Blog
  24. Best Wedding Blog
  25. Most Controversial Blog
  26. Most Humourous Blog
  27. Most Educational Blog
  28. Most Inspiring Blog
  29. Most Unique Voice in a Blog
  30. Nigerian Blog of the Year

     

Please vote for your favourite blogs by visiting the voting page. Votes will be received until 11:59pm EST on July 9, 2011 (4:59am Nigerian Time on July 10, 2011).

If you are a blogger and you would like your blog to be listed on the Nigerian Blog Awards website, please send an email to nigerianblogawards@gmail.com.

 

Please, vote for me here

Thanks.

Temiville.xoxo

Talent is never enough

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Talent without discipline is useless, and knowledge without character is perilous…

Amberton University

I wanna get this book

So I have been thinking for a while now…is talent all we need? I didn’t have to look very far to find my answer: NO. There’s much more to success and greatness than what gifts and abilities you have. I have seen very gifted people who are ‘just there’ at work. They are not low staff, neither are they at the top of their league (where really their talents should have elevated them to). Conversely, I have seen some ‘3 class’ holders who are the top of their fields, doing big things for their companies and getting promoted ever so often. So what exactly is up here? What does the 1st class holder lack that his 3 class counterpart knows?

Never rely on the first class you have from that Ivy League or Red brick institution. Never rely on that Level 2 CFA you hold. Without doubt, these things open doors and get you to great places but they, of themselves, will not keep you there or lift you high whilst there. I’ll mention a few things I have learned that if combined with 10% of talent (or even less) will get you to that height you seek.

Are you friendly at work or you rush off to your desk and do your work efficiently without understanding the importance of relationship-building? How patient are you? How teachable are you? How willing are you to get you hands dirty? Are you the type of intern who would never help carry chairs for example? Do you mix well and treat the domestics with respect or do you not even notice they exist? Do you keep your ears to the ground and find out the latest stuff happening at work or do you believe-if it’s mine, it will come to me as a result of my hardwork? Do you mix with colleagues outside work or have they never seen you in jeans and tee-shirt? Are you helpful with tasks? Are you pro-active or always believe in minding your business? Do you respect hierarchy? Do you learn from how the bosses do stuff? Is it simply about getting to work at 7:15am and leaving at 8pm for you? Trust me, I know of some who get there at 9 and leave at the dot of 5 yet are excelling greatly and are doing their jobs well and are still getting recognised and promoted. So what exactly is the deal?

It is important to have a good character.

So many times, I’ve heard people speak and I can see that they have this feeling of entitlement. ‘I deserve to work here because of my degree’, ‘I should get a promotion because I work so hard’. Let me be honest, I used to be like that a year ago. I’d say, ‘as soon as I get to Naij, in fact from the airport, employers will be fighting for me’ lol. No I didn’t go that far. But on the real though, I felt it was all about doing well and gbam! that will be all. No siree, that is NOT all. There’s so much more because do you want me to roll out the number of amazing Nigerian graduates around? As they say, ‘you go fear’. From Unilag 1st class degree holders in Law (that’s a huge deal) to Ife to UNN to schools abroad to OSU to Babcock to Covenant… I could go on and on.

There are so many well deserving graduates out there so please, don’t be feeling special. If you think you went to almighty Sheffield, then I’ll show you 10 people from Imperial, Cambridge, Duke, Yale etc. If you think you went to Imperial, then I’ll show you others who not only went to Imperial but came out in the top 5% of their class and are currently in Princeton on a full scholarship. The point is this: no matter the height you think you have attained, there are people higher. So humility is key. Especially in a country like Naij were brains are everywhere, your laurels mean a lot but don’t rest on them.

We need to steer clear of the feeling that it is our birthright to have that job.  Everything should be thought of as a gift. Even if you feel you deserve it, keep this feeling to yourself. No one else needs to be schooled on how hard you work and how the next guy who got the job did not shine as bright as you did at the group exercise. Character is key.

Even aside of the career aspect, you will find that no matter how handsome or beautiful a person is, if they have a bad attitude, they will repel you-eventually. There has to be much more to you that the things you had no say in getting/acquiring such as beauty, brains, wealth. You need to put in the work and add to these things like humility, approachability, integrity, honesty, drive etc.

I have noticed that employers can smell this feeling of entitlement from a mile away and except you are so darn great and you have some capabilities that no one else has, they’d rather not employ you if only to ‘show’ you. This does not mean you should dismiss and not celebrate your worth, but you gotta do it with wisdom, tact. Don’t ever aim to intimidate.

What character also does is to protect your talent. It is impossible to ascend higher than the limitations of your character. So many times, we don’t get to where we want because without being well equipped for that place, it will destroy us.

I am on a character-building assignment. It’s not easy to build up an excellent character but at the end of the day, it is well worth it. Here are some things I have learned:

“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.” Philippians 4:8-9

That pretty much, is the sum total. When we dwell on good stuff, good stuff come out of us.

Like we have learned over and over again, there is nowhere else to learn that from the Word of God.

And now, brethren, I commend you to God, and to the word of his grace, which is able to build you up, and to give you an inheritance among all them which are sanctified. Acts 20:32.

I think when we mix the gift God has given us with the no-how found in His Word, we become unstoppable!

Now, on a different note, I’ve been nursing some horrible cramps from 3 am this morning!  God is my Healer. I am at work (it’s all good).

Quick Update on my Weight loss Progress:

I have managed to steer clear of fizzy drinks for a week now. I’m very proud of myself. I have actually improved-not only have I reduced my portions, I have totally changed the kind of stuff on my plate. If you ever catch me eating rice, you can practically count the grains. Now it’s about the proteins, vegetables and chicken (I love the skin though it is actually terribly fattening). I drink loads of water now and I have ONE cup of either tea or coffee daily. I’m gradually beginning to skip breakfast. Not out of choice but because the kind of food they bring for breakfast are every dieter’s worst nightmare-bread, meat pies, sausage rolls, cakes, etc. So I have loads of fruits instead. I also read weight loss success stories online and they encourage me.

As for the actual result, hmm. The results are supposed to be the koko right.?Well, they are not exactly glaring yet. The changes are things I feel or even things that I alone know such as more frequent and much easier bowel movement (from 2-3ce a week on a good week to 2ce a day-everyday). I feel lighter too. My clothes however still feel the same. There’s another small change though: before no matter how much I tuck in my tummy, there’s still this light bulge. Now I can squeeze it in and it is concave although once I release, it’s back to normal.

One thing is true: I am no more trying to lose weight fast. I am now making a lifestyle change. The weight might not fall off as quickly as I would have hoped but I trust that with the little changes I am making, the effect will be sustainable and lasting.

I had a cupcake on Sunday though-I got it as a newcomer gift at House on the Rock and it was yummy and very sugary lol. Well, I guess a small cupcake won’t entirely ruin my efforts. I’ll be publishing a post about my experience at HOTR soon. It was quite an experience. Me and my friends absolutely loved it. Very enlightening.

They are having another combined service on Sunday at the Eko Hotel from 8  am so be there.

I have to go now but before I do, I leave you with this hoping it leaves you as speechless as it did me.

Take care people,

Temiville. xoxo

SELF RESPECT? PRIDE? Probably just WISDOM

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Hello guys,

These days, I am on a serious roll. I had been posting in trickles earlier but now, it is as though if I don’t say what I have to say NOW, I’ll explode. Please, find time to read the comments on each post. They are most enlightening.

This morning, I want to write about something that has been on my mind for a while now: SELF RESPECT

The underlying questions that inform this post are as follows : What is self respect? What is the difference between self respect and pride? Does not asking for help equal to pride or is it a function of self respect?  

Growing up, I used to live under these principle:

-It’s better to starve than to ask for a grain of wheat.

-Living within your means is the way to go.

-If you cannot afford it, forget it.

-Never ask.

-God will supply all your needs so if He has not supplied, it is not a need.

-As much as you can help it, AVOID asking for favours.

-The fact that you can easily do it for the person without thinking twice doesn’t mean that it is their principle too.

-NEVER think the next person thinks like you.

I could go on and on.

This affected me a lot and I suffered in silence where I could have easily asked and easily gotten help. I think I got this from two major sources:

1. My dad. My dad instilled in us the value of discipline. Whatever you need to be asking people for, you really can do without.

2. Being a Pisces, I tend to be very intuitive and expect the people around me to be too. If I have to be asking a guy I am dating, ‘oh let’s do this’, ‘take me out’, ‘call me’ etc, I probably would not do well at it. I expect you to know. Simples.

Well, as I grew older, I realized that unless you open your mouth, you will probably not get it. You do need to ask. Even God has explained to us in Matthew 7:7 which explains that a lot of times we need to be proactive, we need to ASK, we need to then SEEK, we sometimes need to even go as far as KNOCKING. So I started doing just that. Sometimes, if I need help with a task, I look at who I know has the capability and also the willingness to help and then I go for it. I usually am met with a, ‘Temi, how now. You don’t need to add all these ‘pleases’, that’s not an issue’. The first few I got relieved me. Wow, the principle does work! What I also do is make sure I am available for others to ‘use’. Sometimes, you find that you might never be able to help certain people who have helped you back, you might never be able to repay but what you can and should do is carry on the cycle of help-rendering. Find someone to assist. Despite being able to ask, I ensured I used this sparingly, like a joker, only when I absolutely needed to

I however admit I made an error a few weeks ago. I got comfortable.

There is this really nice lady who had been helping me with a particular task. She had helped me twice. She doesn’t do it herself but has someone to assist me. In my mind, I really did not think much of it ’cause frankly it was not an issue and I would gladly do it for anyone if I had the means (remember this grave mistake of thinking others think like you? Avoid it!) So I trotted off to her and asked, ‘please, can you…?’ The response I got was mind numbing and frankly I was heartbroken, I was shocked!!!

‘I was just being nice when I helped you and that does not mean you should now take it for granted. Please look for an alternative’

What? Lol. A person who actually finds it easy to ask for help would easily shrug it off and move on to the next person. But I absolutely could not. I was completely taken aback. I said ‘thank you’ and went away to think. I am a natural thinker even when there is nothing to think about, not to talk of when given a perfect topic, lol. I thought and thought and I am actually still thinking. Was I really taking her for granted by asking for help three times? She gave no clue that she was not pleased doing it and was merely ‘being nice’ so I thought nothing of asking again. But then I thought to myself, ‘how right is she!’. There are so many lessons I would like to share from my personal and I must be honest, bitter experience.

Number 1, I totally appreciate her forthrightness. Despite hurting me a lot, I knew she is a virtuous woman who meant absolutely no harm. Some others would have said no and made up a random, untrue excuse, others would have said yes and complained to other people about how I was bothering them. But she, looked me to my face and said no.

Number 2, despite the fact that in my heart of hearts, I had no such intentions to take her for granted, she made a fine point. I did something I never do. I got comfortable (NEVER get comfortable, always be watchful, careful, observant). First time I asked, she helped gladly. Instead of being cautious and self-respecting, I thought I had found a buddy buddy I can always call on each time that weekly task arises. Third time, she made it clear, she was displeased.

Now, here is the lesson I have learned. No, I won’t be childish and go back to my days of never asking even if it is killing me. I know now that as much as you can DIY, please DIY. Ask, it is ok but first see that you absolutely have no choice in the world. Also, don’t take random liberties. The fact that the person you asked for assistance the first time does not complain does not mean you should make it a weekly affair (like me lol 🙂 ). In this case, it would not be because of pride you won’t ask, it would be because of propriety and self respect.

Try to be self-sufficient and look only to God and probably your immediate family and tightest of tightest friends or people whom you feel you have earned the right to ask a favour from. Not a new acquaintance.

God give us wisdom. Amen!

Have a beautiful Thursday guys,

Temiville.xoxo

Does it matter, really?

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Omo buruku se fe, sugbon, ana buruku kose ni

Yoruba Adage

 Translation: Marrying a person from a bad home is worse than marrying a bad person.

I hear this a lot in the Yoruba movies that I watch. Even in reality, I have heard of people’s prospects being disqualified because of the kind of parents or even distant relatives they have. Despite being a good ol’ fashioned type of girl-who would go to the mountains to seek parental approval before agreeing to be with a guy, I kinda felt this was pushing it a bit. Why should a person be deprived of marital bliss simply because of his pedigree, I wondered.

I am now older and with age comes its twin, wisdom (hopefully). I ‘m actually beginning to agree with the whole idea of family being a major issue. Ok, as you probably know, I am an only girl so I have heard my fair share of advice being dished out to my brothers on who or who not to be with. Some years ago, my aunt was having a conversation with one of my cousins advising him to stay away from a particular girl, *Yinka*.

Yinka is a very pretty girl and aside of the surface, she was so respectful, helpful, hardworking etc. She totally won the entire family’s heart. Even my dad, who is usually aloof until you formally present your choice was already liking the girl. Well, there was a little something my cousin eventually revealed to the family one day my aunt came visiting and saw Yinka helping out in the dish washing.

This particular aunt is a very upfront, open, direct woman and after Yinka left for her house, she asked clear questions. From her barrage, it was discovered that:

-Yinka is the product of a brief university relationship between her parents.

-Her mom has 4 other children by 2 different men who had at some point been her spouse.

-Presently, she is separated from the father of the last child and is living with another divorcee in his Ikoyi mansion.

-All men have been way above average financially.

-She has never stayed up to 5 straight years with any man.

-Her maternal grandmother also was separated from her granddad and ended up having children for different men.

All these facts and patterns got my aunt very worried for him and she bluntly predicted that Yinka would end up towing the very same path if she does not go for deliverance or something. Her words stung my cousin (who had been with Yinka for 1 year-ish and was deeply in love with her). He refused to adhere to her warnings. In the end, for some very random and different reasons, they broke up.

Yinka ended up marrying (traditional) a very wealthy man who has 2 children already and she became a regular figure in the pages of City People magazine. Today, she is single again but is a society lady by every standard with tattoos and a gold tooth and all. Shocked? I was. My aunt wasn’t. She actually still expects worse to happen. Whilst, I am not condemning those who have tattoos or gold teeth or whatever, in this case, I am using it to explain how it was so unlike Yinka and so unexpected. She showed no such signs and this dramatic change didn’t take that long to take place. Some would just nod and say: Ekun l’ekun bi: The lion would always birth a lion.

Now guys, do you believe in the truth of family background counting towards the kind of person your partner is? I personally have some AMAZING friends whose parents embarrass them sometimes (eg, getting drunk in public, womanizing to the point of toasting mates of their daughters, fighting in public (wife beating), self-proclaimed traditional god worshipper) Yet, some of these people’s offspring have, to the best of my knowledge, amazing characters.

Would you steer clear of a person who comes from a family that has skeletons in their cupboards though this person has never exhibited such traits. For example, as a dude, would you marry a very lovely girl whose mom is totally bleached out and has had 4 different marriages and is presently single and a constant face in every owanbe? Or even a gentle girl whose mom is known to be a street fighter, who is probably the breadwinner of the home and has totally emasculated her husband- maybe you go visiting one day and find the woman shouting at her husband in your presence and he has become a totally weak man?

As a girl, would you marry the son of an acclaimed wife beater, a man who has no regard for his mother even though your partner appears to be as gentle as a lamb? Now, on a different side to character vices, would you marry a person whose family is from a different tribe, worships a different deity, is known to have some hereditary serious illnesses such as serious mental imbalance, in whose family all the male children die on their 50th birthday (including his/her dad)etc? *these are real life situations by the way*

Importantly, where does trusting in God come in instead of relying on investigations conducted by family members? God had promised that He would visit the father’s sins on the children’s children’s children up until the 4th generation (Exodus 20:1-26). But since we have Christ, we are no longer under the curse of the law (Galatians 3:13), right? So should we really concern ourselves with such matters? Or maybe we need to actually pray and fast and do the required deliverance first before marrying into such homes???

Some of us are actually the ones from families that would be frowned upon…Should we now not marry good people because of the behavior/illnesses of our mom/dad/brother/sister/grandparents/4th cousin which we absolutely condemn? How exactly do you feel about this issue?

I just had to throw in this cute picture

The Nigerian Blog Awards 2011 is here!!! Please vote for me: http://www.nigerianblogawards.com/register.php

Muse with me!

Temiville.xoxo

Just another Tuesday…

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There is a time in everyone’s life when you realize that you literally are on your own. As much as mom and dad love you to little tiny bits, there is an extent to what they can do for you. I have realized this for a long while now but the reality of it all dawns on me more now than ever before.

God has shown Himself strong and mighty in EVERY TINY DETAIL of my life. My testimonies are endless and my gratitude is without measure. I have learned the art of trusting in God implicitly regarding every area of my life. I’m still learning actually!

My career is one area I’m dumping right on His lap. I need direction. I need strength. I need grace. My friends and I have really been really looking unto God in terms of our career paths and which roads to take. It is always good to think of the big picture before making any career move. It is not about the RIGHT NOW and how much they pay. It is about if it fits into your general career overview.

I’ve thoroughly enjoyed my work experience during NYSC. It is not without its challenges but my goal and desire is to keep getting better and better and more thorough at what I do. I only started in April so it is still early days for me. Career is a really big deal and it is important to let God direct one’s path so as not to take the wrong step simply because it feels right and the pay is good. This is a really short post but I just thought to share.

On a different note, the work café guys seem to be anti-fitness. They only bring extremely fattening foods over for breakfast. I ended up having a breadless sandwich. Yes, breadless. Just an omelette and loads of lettuce. I was so motivated by my friend’s (Wunmi O.) weight loss progress. I saw her DP on BB and I almost fainted. I mean from a size 16 in March to a 10 in June is absolutely amazing!!! But like she explained yesterday, it surely did not come easy. Babe does not eat carbs AT ALL. I have started jogging for 20 minutes every evening, combined with my reduced portions and change of diet, I pray I reach my goal soon. Amen.

Have a lovely day guys!

Temiville.xoxo

She’s not feeling the boy…

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PS: These are the true, uninhibited ramblings of my over/hyper active mind. So excuse any disjointedness.

Those who know me well will know I actively SHY away from giving friends my opinion on their partners or even prospects. If you ask me what I think. I’ll never say, ‘Oh yes you are right Nduka is pathetic’ or ‘you should dump Omolara’. That’s not my way. I am diplomatic yet I will tell you the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth. If you tell me you have a stingy bingy for a boyfriend, I won’t tell you to break up with him but I’ll let you see the good and the bad sides of the situation. I think I learned that from studying law and solving those problem questions; ‘always look at both sides’, they insisted. However, unlike a law paper, I would not come to a conclusion after weighing the pros and cons. I’d leave that to you.

There are two truths I have gathered over the years:

1. Most people who seek advice already know what EXACTLY they want to do so they are seeking affirmation.

2. The smaller group consists of the genuinely confused who just want someone to help them decide.

Inasmuch as it is tempting to help them decide, I know that this is a very risky path to tow so I don’t. I just tell you the pros and the cons, you decide. Well, yesterday, I went against what I am wont to doing. I actually gave a piece of my mind. I said it outright…

Now, there is this friend of mine, let’s call her Ifeoma. Ifeoma is 26 and is working in Shell. Ifeoma is single. She was invited to her friend’s church Bible study one Wednesday where she met a young man, Ugo. Ugo is 34 and also single. Sounds good so far right? Well, no. The guy, obviously given his age and all, is very much eager to settle down and according to her, she made the mistake of giving him her BB pin. She wished she had just given her number then she could decide if she wanted to pick calls or not instead of the incessant/annoying BBMs she receives almost on an hourly basis: ‘good morning’, ‘are you awake?’, ‘Have you eaten?’, ‘What did you eat?’, ‘Are you asleep?’ and most annoyingly, ‘what are you doing right now?’. She found him very pushy and too forward and all these just made it clear to her that it wasn’t worth it. Well, truth is those are really lovely messages to get from someone you care about or that you even liked not someone you meet days ago and were just getting to know. In that case, it is just annoying.

Now, Ifeoma is a very fun girl but at first I thought she was exhibiting the good ol’ trait in women: dismissing over-nice guys. Yes, we all do that. When a guy is all nice and caring, we feel he is boring and desperate and would rather someone who doesn’t jam our phone lines with calls and texts and BBMs and email messages (yes, some guys are persistent!) Well, his persistence began to grate on her nerves. According to her, he would say, ‘tell me all about you. I want to know everything’ then go off to interrupt her a million times (what is it with us Nigerians an unashamedly interrupting people by the way?). Dude, if you just relax and give it time, you would know a whole lot.

After 2 meetings, he even asked her to call his mom on her birthday. As what? She wondered. I wondered too. At 26, Ify is not exactly a kid. She is ripe for marriage and all but when this issue was raised with our other two friends, they felt she was being unreasonable and she should be a bit more ‘accommodating’ since the guy is ‘nice’ and since time is not on her side.  I thought and said otherwise! You should not manage a situation simply because you feel under pressure and neither should you date a person out of pity or because they are ‘nice’ or because ‘you are getting old’. They share nothing in common and his sense of humour is a bit off. The things that make him roar in laughter just make her go, ‘hmmn’. She never EVER looks forward to spending time with him and would happily be with us in one of our homes with no electricity, recycling old gists than go to Ice cream factory or even to see a movie with him! She has even tried dragging one of us on one of their ‘dates’. That’s how much she dreads being alone with him. So, my good people,  why should you banish yourself to a lifetime of ‘coping’ when you could actually enjoy a good marriage if only you chill , wait on God’s promise and build yourself up whilst you wait?

God has promised those who love Him and obey Him a good home. I don’t think we should endure people and get into relationships that are going nowhere simple out of desperation.

On the other hand, we hear tales from our wise old mothers which summarise thus: never marry a man you love more than he loves you’. So does this mean it’s okay for Ify to settle with this dude just because he’s really into her even though she is not in any way interested?  Note: he is actually a decent guy, it appears he loves God( I say ‘appears’ because these, days, you never know), goes to Church, has an ok job and clearly loves his family to bits BUT she’s not feeling the boy.

What thinkest thou? Would you settle for (or encourage your sister to settle for) a very nice guy you/she’s are not into?

Muse with me…

Temiville.xoxo

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