Help! Mom and Dad say no!

Hey people!!!

Hope you’re well. Let’s take a stab at this guys! The abridged version was published on Bella Naija earlier today 😀 This is the original /unedited draft.

Enjoy!

***

Niran and I met a year ago during one of those Nigerian Job forums in England. It was an exhibition featuring some of the best employers in Nigeria and it was a ‘strictly by invitation’ event. So we all pretty much felt honoured to be there and there was this look of respect you had for the next guy because you know immediately that he must be an academic G.

It was at the GTBank stand that I saw him. I was asking the lady at the stand if they would employ a Law Graduate with an MBA but no BL (Nigerian Law School degree) when he stood beside me eagerly waiting for their response.  I looked up at him and could not but smile. I’ve always had a problem with fine guys, they were my  Achilles Heel. He was no exception. Tall, slim built, yet muscular, fine facial structure. He was very clean looking. The lady had started responding but there I was, still admiring God’s work of art. Quickly, I slipped out of my reverie in time to catch the last few sentences. Then I promptly moved on to the next stand, embarrassed at myself.

Hot!

‘You didn’t get what she said, did you?’, a deep voice said behind me. Lo and behold, it was Mr. Hotstuff again.

‘Erm, some of it’, I mumbled.

‘I noticed you were a bit distracted and given her open ended, non-specific response, I would have expected some sort of questions to follow from you’.

He then went on to explain the lady’s response to my question. To be honest, I really didn’t care for what he was saying as much as how he was saying it. He was really hot.

I found out he was doing his Masters at Jesus College, Cambridge after having finished with a First Class and also second best in his year in Ife. It took a while to become friends because I had to first of all get over my infatuation with him. That took a few weeks of totally ignoring his calls and refusing his self invite to Manchester to see me and also refusing to go to Cambridge to see him. I don’t know when exactly or how exactly it happened, but I stopped being so ‘star struck’ and started seeing him in a normal light.

The next time we saw was during the Festival of Life programme in London two months after we first met. He had come with his church bus and my friends and I had driven from Manchester because we could not make the timing of our church bus. We planned to meet up during the Testimony Time and we did. We strolled to the very back to get water and I realised I was nice and easy around him this time. We talked for a few minutes and went back to our different seats.

When he offered to come see me the following weekend, I did not protest. His friend was also in Manchester University and he would use the opportunity to see him too. He came on Saturday afternoon and went first to his friend’s to drop off his little bag and then came to see me. I had such a great time. We went shopping for his dad’s birthday present and got him a Sheaffer pen. His little sister was going home and would deliver it to him. We then went to see a movie and then had dinner at this lovely Asian restaurant at Piccadily Gardens called Rice afterwards. On Sunday, he met up with me and we went to church together, had lunch afterwards and then I saw him off to the train station to get his 5:15pm train back.

As I waited for a bus back to my house, I was reeling with excitement. I could not believe what great time I had had. You see, as someone who likes fine guys, I know very well that most of them are either cocky, stuck up, stupid, unintelligent, proud, taken or all of the above. So you can imagine my feeling of good fortune when I found out that Adeniran Ola-Baker possessed not one of those vices. He was so humble, respectful, kind, intelligent and fun to be with. I also found out he comes from a family of geniuses. His father is an alumnus of Oxford and currently a dean at Unilag. His mom has 2 Bachelors and 2 Masters degrees. His younger  sister was in the final year of her PhD programme at Nottingham at just 26! I felt a bit intimidated but he was quick to credit it all not to their hard work or natural gift but to God’s grace.

We carried on with our friendship for another 3 months till he asked me to be his girlfriend with the hope of one day becoming his wife. I was so excited. I said  a fast yes. I had prayed about him and felt so much peace in the relationship. It was as if God had come to wipe away my tears because I had kissed a few frogs in my 25 years on earth. When thoughts of him would fill my head, this song would spring up in my heart:

“Oti mu mi gbagbe o ibanuje igbakan. Ashe were ni ishe Oluwa. Obati a pe toun je”

The song translates thus: You have caused me to forget my past sorrows. You work speedily. The God upon whom we call and he answers.

I was indeed in a very happy place.

Our Masters programme ended and it was time to go home. We both decided against getting the Post Study Work visas and went straight home. I had met his sister, ‘Lope. She was not the geek I expected her to be. In fact, she was exceptionally fashion conscious and an ‘it’ girl for a PhD student. I just assumed all PhDers were geek glasses wearing and braces wearing. We became good friends during the  period I was in the UK.

Niran and I were on the same flight back home. My mom and 2 sisters came to pick me up whilst his mom and dad both came to pick him. That was the first introduction of our families and it was short and sweet. Two weeks after arriving Nigeria, he invited me to his parents’ to meet them properly. It was such an ordeal deciding what to wear. My mom had said ‘no English outfit’ but my big sister was the other voice saying, ‘be yourself and wear what you’re comfortable in’. In the end, my mom won and I wore a really nice yet simple Ankara dress and kitten heeled pumps. I had my hair in a bun and wore my favourite earrings.

His parents live in Unilag somewhere along a street called Ozolua. He had come to my house at Shonibare Estate to pick me up that Saturday. We got to his and his mom welcomed me with the biggest hug ever. I felt immediately at home. She was a plump woman with friendly eyes and happy disposition. She was extremely welcoming. She apologised that her husband  was on a call upstairs and would be joining us shortly. It was a very relaxed meeting and it went well. If Niran’s mom is described as friendly. His dad would be described as funny. He told one joke after the other and had me in stitches all afternoon. It was also interesting to watch his mom laugh so hard at his jokes after 32 years of marriage. It was a good afternoon.

On our drive back as Niran dropped me off, I asked,

‘Niran, I saw another girl featuring a lot in your older family albums. I thought ‘Lope was your only sister’. He went quiet for a while and I felt bad thinking maybe she had died and I was scraping at healing wounds.

‘Yes I do. We are three kids. She’s older than I am. She’s 31 this year’.

‘Oh wow! What’s her name? Where does she live? Is she also a genius like you guys?’, I asked smiling, relieved she was alive.

‘Her name is is ‘Lade, Omolade. She lives here in Lagos. She has some problems’, he said dismissively.

‘Oh, what kind of problems’, I probed.

‘She was committed to the mental institution two weeks to her Bar Finals when she was just 20. Last year was her 10th year in the Psychiatric Home. She graduated with a First Class from Ife at 19 but never got called to the Bar’. He said this as a matter-of-factly with zero emotion. I was literally open-mouthed for 5 minutes or so.

‘I’m so sorry’, I gushed, not knowing the appropriate words to speak. He dismissed it and apologised for not telling me all along. We had already gotten to my house by then. He dropped me off and left.

As soon as I got home, Charlie’s Angels were waiting for me in the living room. Charlie’s Angels are my mom (who we’ve given the pet name, Sisi Joke, as all her numerous female friends call her that), my older sister, Sisi Lara and my younger sister by 10 months (we were both born in 1987), Sisi Bisodun ( she is a December 25 baby hence the ‘Bisodun‘ which translates thus-born into festivity. I have no brother so my dad is the only male figure in the family. I should also add that there is a strong influence of my mom’s sisters in our lives. They are all very close and very involved in each other’s family. When we were younger and offended my mom, one of the 6 sisters was sure to come by to give us a good telling off. It’s like we have 6 mothers really. Anyways, back to Charlie’s Angels.

‘It went so well. His parents are so cool. I had a great time. I found out he has an older sister who’s not well’, I said of the meeting at Niran’s.

‘Eh yah, what’s wrong with her?’ Bisodun asked.

‘Erm, she’s ill’, I mumbled. How does one say it? I thought to myself.

‘What kind of illness?’ Impatient Lara quipped.

‘She’s insane. She went mad during her Bar Finals 11 years ago’, I blurted. To hell with the political correctness.

‘Oh my God’, ‘What?’, ‘Damn!’, the three of them said at the same time. We all bemoaned the poor girl’s fate for a while and then changed the topic.

At about 1:30am, my dad and mom strolled into my room, interrupting my Dexter.

My dad was fumbling with his fingers. My mom on the other hand, sat down on my bed and began,

‘My dear, your dad and I have discussed things long and hard and there’s no way we are going to sit back and watch insects crawl into our eyes. You are a young girl and you have your whole life ahead of you. You can’t marry into a family where madness runs. It is hereditary and I won’t have a mad man for a son-in-law nor have mad grandkids. You need to break it off with him and fast too.’ My mom was emotionless. She spoke as if she was a newscaster speaking about some remote girl’s fate and not like she had just shattered my very being.

I sat there mute, looking at my dad as if he should help me and save me from my mom’s unreasonableness. ‘Dad’, I began.

My dad cut me off saying, ‘the earlier you break it off, the faster you will heal. We spoke with Aunty Biola whose husband is a psychiatrist at John Hopkins as you know. He told us unequivocally that madness induced by studying is hereditary meaning your offspring is susceptible to it and in fact, also Niran. I’m sure if we dig deep, we’ll find out about other members of the extended family who also have the problem. I’m sorry dear but I withdraw my blessings on your relationship’.

I was devastated as I watched my dad speak. My mom is known to make decrees and still change her mind. But my dad is soft and so hardly speaks BUT when he does, we all know no Jupiter can make him change his mind.

***

I confided in Lara about it. She’s a non-conformist and I chose her because I knew she would support me. She did but gave me reasons that I myself could not rationalise, insisting that if the worst comes to worst, I should go get myself married at the Ikoyi Registry and tell my parents I’m married. She also blamed me for telling them accusing me of always telling my parents everything and never learning from my past experiences of how badly they handle sensitive information.

I eventually spoke with Bisodun. Bisodun has always been the family oracle, very intelligent and also extremely rational and pragmatic. She is also a lover of God so I knew I would hear the truth from her, even if painful. Here were her words,

‘Sis, this is indeed a toughie. Whilst I believe in the power of prayers regarding these issues of hereditary diseases, the truth is our parents’ faith is not on that level. And you must get parental consent. You absolutely must. I don’t support you going ahead not because of the disease of the mind of his sister but because of dad and mom’s resolve. Hold it off for now and begin to pray hard. I’ll join you and we can even start fasting from tomorrow. Now Sis, our prayer is not for mom and dad to change their minds, no. Instead, it is for God’s will to prevail.

I love Niran and you together and when I place him besides the losers you have been with, I am personally pained at the thought of you guys not being together. However, sometimes, the devil brings a counterfeit of God’s plan for our lives. It looks so good, so perfect, so right but it is not from God and his blessing is not upon it. And consequently, one trouble or the other will keep rearing its head. I will never tell you that being with God’s choice will mean there would not be challenges, NEVER. There still will be but guess what, ‘Ishe Oluwa kole baje-God’s work cannot be hindered. So if it indeed is God’s plan for you, we need to call on God and tell Him, Oh God, you gave me this and the world wants to destroy your gift and take it from me. Arise and show up in my favour. Let your perfect will prevail in this matter. He will definitely show up and defend his handiwork.

You need to quit this starvation you’ve put yourself on and all this weeping. You need to encourage yourself in the Lord and I know God will definitely answer our cry like he answered that of David when the Amelikites invaded Ziklag and took all in 1 Samuel 30. BUT remember, David first of all inquired of the Lord whether or not he would recover his possessions. It was not until God told David that he will surely recover all that he pursued and then overtook. So hun, this is our period of inquiring. Let’s first of all seek God’s will, the rest will follow. The heart of the king is in the hands of the Lord and like a river of water, He can turn it as he so wishes. So babes, forget mom and dad for now, they are not the real matter at issue. When God says yes, they dare not say no so let us hear God say his yes first.

***

As great as Bisodun’s words were, I’m still torn. There’s no way God can say no to a love so true. Why give me someone that brings me so much joy only to snatch him away? Why should I leave Niran because of fear, not even mine, my unbelieving parents’? He is not mad and can never be mad and I know I can not have a mad child.

I still speak with Niran and we still hang out. I have found reasons to give him for him not coming to mine anymore and for dropping me off at the Estate Gate when he does come. How can I tell him my family rejects him because of something that brings his family pain? How?

According to Bisodun, I’m to tell Niran I want to seek God’s face for something for a while and during that period, I’m not to communicate with him. She says I need a severance from him in order to hear God speak clearly. That is easy to say and I know myself, it is just impossible to pull it off. Plus, our relationship has never been that way. We discuss all our problems and pray for each other so this ‘problem’ I have that requires solitary confinement would definitely have him raising an eye brow.

So many questions running through my head: my parents are not such strong believers. Is it not praying parents you obey implicitly? Is his sister’s illness really hereditary? Why did I open my big mouth to tell my mom? Why did I not make my parents find out after the wedding? Should I go crazy and get married without their approval? Should I open up to Niran about my predicament? Would that not make him judge my family? Should I go ahead and have a clean break from him whilst I pray?

What do I do?!

***

Let’s muse guys!

Temiville.xoxo

My mother, my confidante?

Thank you guys!!!! I was voted the Best Writing Blog by you all and I am so grateful. It sure feels good! Thank you!!!

Musings of a Caramel Latte Addict by Temiville: Best Writing Blog, 2012 Awards

***

I resumed Bar 2 last week Monday and since all I will do is moan about how diffiucult registration week was for those of us in Lagos, I won’t say anything. All I can say is I am really looking forward to this week and trust God it will go great!

Church yesterday was AMAZING!!! Pastor Moses at The Waterbrook spoke the Word and it was something else. It left me thinking. I intend to do a post on it but before I do, please guys read the story of Ahab and Jehoshaphat going to war in 2 Chronicles 18 just to get a feel of what I will be writing on.

Now to today’s post or more like opinion gathering…

I have a friend who tells her mom everything. I mean if a guy so much as gave her a lingering handshake at work, her mom would hear about it and they would start praying about it just in case he is The One. Another friend tells her mom the barest minimum which she might end up finding out from another source e.g. she is in a relationship (after like 5 months).

It is good to tell your mom stuff but the question now is: how much information is too much information? I see some people whose mothers know everything going on in their lives, their marriages-how the man snores loudly, how he eats too much, how they are planning a holiday next year, how the husband is thinking of buying property. I know it’s good to involve your mother in your life but how much involvement is too much especially when that life is not just your life anymore but involves another person, a man (most men will not appreciate being overly discussed)?

What happened to the couple leaving and cleaving or is it just the man to leave and cleave? Some mothers REQUIRE they be told ALL ‘so they can give you advice because what a mother sees sitting down, you cannot see even from the pinnacle of the Empire State Building’ but when do you have to start keeping back some details from her. Is this even right?

If you are not keen on having a husband who discusses everything with his mom, why should you not respond in kind? What do you guys feel? Will you be telling your mother everything since no one loves you as much as she does and she can give you good old person’s view? Or will you keep a lot of things on a ‘my husband and I’ level? For the male folk, are you okay with your mother in law knowing about your marriage since she’s an extension of the home or do you feel disrespected if your wife makes her mom her number one confidante?

Beautiful mom and daughter

Let’s muse!

Temiville.xoxo

Second Chance v Extra Bullet

Hi guys!

How are you all doing? I’m very well here and so so excited! This is my last free week! Whoop whoop! I resume on Monday and I CANNOT wait. I’m so happy to have somewhere to go each morning. Have something to do, complain about LASTMA, crazy drivers etc. I really do feel bad for people who are stuck home doing nothing. That must really suck!

Hope you’ve been enjoying my regular posts *pats self on back* I decided to do as much writing as my God and my coffee can inspire me now that I am free and I have had so much fun tuning out and just typing my mind. The joys of writing. Inexplicable. I’d love to tell you that it will keep being this way but I what I definitely say is that I’ll do ALL I can to avoid dry spells and to keep making this your go to website for original, inspiring and thought provoking pieces which focus on God and how we can navigate this life.

I totally have been enjoying people’s comments. Thanks guys. I know what it is to actually click on that comment box and start typing your email address etc to comment. I totally appreciate it. I pray we keep learning from each other and applying things we learn to our day to day lives because these things do happen.

I discovered a series called For Better or Worse by Tyler Perry. Remember Angela and Marcus from Why Did I Get Married? This focusses on their lives. I saw 2 whole seasons non stop two days ago. Totally amazing stuff!

Enjoy today’s post!

A few days ago, I saw a friend’s status update: How do you tell the difference between giving someone who has hurt you a second chance or giving them an extra bullet to shoot you since they missed the first time?

I thought about it for a while. It’s so true that not everyone deserves a second chance because they will become repeat offenders. So how does one tell the difference? How do you tell the truly repentant from the one who just wants to dust himself up and try again…to hurt you! Does that cheating girlfriend really deserve to be taken back? Should the thieving househelp not be sent packing? Should you keep giving that Associate important assignments when they keeping on giving you shoddy work?

This is different from forgiveness which to me, means no longer harbouring bitterness against a person for their wrongdoing. You can forgive alright but do forgiving and forgetting mean you keep letting the offender in? Would this not be stupidity?

What do you guys think of it all?

Temiville.xoxo

Help! They hate her!

Hi people,

I’m a 31 year old guy who has been dating Funke for 10 months. I proposed to her 2 months ago. All my siblings live in England and have been there for a while so they have never met her before. Funke finished her Bar Finals in August and was going to be travelling to England to unwind before her NYSC begins. So I told her to go see them in Birmingham were they all live. I have 3 siblings-all girls, Tunmininu and Tunmishe are 28 year old twins and Tamilore is 25. They are all studying for their MSc at Birmingham University and could easily pass for triplets. The twins are not totally identical but it is clear they are siblings. Tamilore and Tunmishe are the ones who actually look like twins thereby making all three look so much alike. They are also extremely close and have always been. I value their opinion as my sisters and I have made decisions based on their views in the past.

***

I was so convinced Funke would get along with them. She is very respectful, well behaved and humble and I had no doubt they would hit it off like a house on fire. So convinced was I that I asked her to spend the weekend with them. I wanted them to get along so much. Funke had met my mom and dad and they love her. To cut a long tale short, Tunmininu and Tunmishe called me on Sunday night complaining bitterly about Funke. They called her lazy and unhelpful. They said they had to do some shopping at the market and she said she was too tired to come along with them and had to rest.

Tunmishe said,

‘Olumide, it was really disgraceful. I mean, she’s meeting us for the first time. She could not even ‘tiju‘ and just accompany us. It’s not like we were walking. We were taking a bus there and a taxi back so I don’t get it. When we got back, there she was-sleeping. When she eventually woke up, shebi she’ll at least have some shame and offer to help us cook or something. She went to the living room and started watching the Kardashians and gisting about them with Tami. It was really a shameful sight. When it was time for dinner, she refused what we offered her and went to the TESCO’s downstairs to get packed salad. What is she trying to say? That her perfect size 8 body would be destroyed and become like our own size 12 bodies abi? Ahn ahn kilode. Omo Yoruba ni wa o (we have a rich culture of respect and hardwork as Yorubas)and it is not done anywhere.’

***

I was weak. Anyone that has sisters knows that when they conspire, there’s nothing you can do but hope God confuses their language because otherwise, that Tower of Babel is going straight up! They told me not to tell her but that they were sorry, she was just too lazy for them and too vain and materialistic with her Gucci bag and Louboutin shoes. I could sense some envy but I dare not say that. You see, Funke is from an extremely wealthy home, the kind where even all her grandparents were trained in England and had serious old money. Her grandparents live in all those old Ikoyi homes and basically, she had never lacked anything. Aside of her parents’ wealth, her older brother ran a good business and she was on his monthly ‘payroll’ though she didn’t particularly work with him. Her combined monthly allowance from parents, grandparents, brother and  the occasional cash gifts from uncles and aunties was more than some people earn in 5 months. Despite this, I saw in her humility, love for those that lacked and a helpful nature. I know of at least 3 kids whose education and upkeep she is responsible for. And she didn’t tell me all these, I just randomly found out.

***

Even her parents are like that. I know of some managing parents who would grill you about how well your parents are doing and if your ‘Akinyele’ is of the Minister’s side. The day I went to theirs and met them, not once did they ask about any irrelevant information. They were loving and nice and genuinely happy to see their daughter in good hands. I drove into a house that looked like they were running a car dealership with my 2006 Camry and yet, every one, I mean every single person treated me as though I was the wealthiest person in the world and I could  see where Funke got her good nature from.

Even when Funke comes to mine, she’d help my mom in the kitchen. Gist with her about any and everything and my parents really like her. So now that the three most important girls to me all find her repulsive, I am really confused.

***

I asked Funke how the weekend went with my sisters and she responded, ‘Great! I really love them. They are so sweet and helpful and let me rest because I was having terrible cramps. I didn’t tell them because I didn’t want to be nursed but they were so kind to me. They made me breakfast. It was so nice.  All my fears about meeting your sister were all unfounded. What a lovely threesome!’

What to do?

***

Guys! This happens all the time. We claim we want to have amazing sisters in law and yet we are beastly to ours. We need to learn to show love to our in-laws and in-laws to be, especially the female ones since they are coming into our homes. We must receive them in genuine love and make them feel welcome. I’m not saying we should be fake and ignore every wrongdoing BUT we must treat them the EXACT same way we want to be treated by our husbands’ families.

Let’s stop being bitchy and quick to notice every wrong. Let’s make excuses for them and understand that backgrounds are very different. Not everyone grew up in a home where you wake up and resume duties in the kitchen. Not everyone is used to the whole saying yes to every offer in order to be polite. Not everyone has learned the politics of handling in laws. Let’s be accommodating. My mom is such an inspiration in this regard. Those girls are just plain lucky. They are on her BB and their pictures go up as her DP randomly with lovely status messages. I saw her chats with them once and they are really cool. That’s seed sowing in my opinion.

***

My prayer now is that God gives our brothers/sons great wives-not the ones that have come to kill, steal and destroy: kill the love they have for you; steal all they have and destroy relationships they have with their family. Because, I would be a liar to say there aren’t some Jezebelic women out there who all they think of is how to use the man dry. Their favourite song is ‘Chop my money!’ and they don’t ever intend to build the man and think up ideas to generate wealth for him. They make the man buy they the most expensive gifts on his relatively meagre salary. I mean, what business does a man earning 160k per month have buying a girlfriend 700 GBP Louboutin shoes? Priorities people. I’m all for being generous but wisdom is the principal thing. These women have no business with Proverbs 31 and some are even fetish. So I think we should pray that God separates our men from such vile women. We really should not be part  of those complaining bitterly that a woman is lazy etc.

Why can’t we all just get along?

God help us mehn!

Any thoughts?

Temiville.xoxo

Help! Her past haunts me!

Hi people,

I am distraught.

Broken!

So I recently found out the worst thing ever. My girlfriend (Similolu) of a few months whom I genuinely care for once dated my older brother!

She’s a sweet, decent girl or so I thought till I found out that my bad-boy brother had once been with her in her first year of Uni at Igbinedion University. He was also a student there after having left Unilag due to cultism issues. He had promised to renounce the secret society and in return, my dad sent him to the University in Edo to start afresh. She was a Level 1 student of Medicine when they met. He was already in his 3rd year of Economics by then. The Medicine department of the University had some challenges and therefore, Similolu had to go to a University in Ukraine to start her degree afresh.

I’m hurt because I have always loved God and put him first. I looked forward to a relationship with a like-minded girl and I thought I had found that in Simi. To think she once was was with my philandering, cheating , weed smoking, unserious brother is just a bit too much for me to bear. I love my brother to bits but the way he handles girls like things is absolutely appalling. He is known to treat women with disrespect. He uses and dumps them. He sleeps with them and then discards them right after. Simi once told me she went the farthest with a particular guy when she first got to Uni and to think that that ‘guy’ is Tunbosun, my older brother is really hard a pill for me to swallow.

I found out when she came to visit me at mine. My brother greeted her fondly, giving her a full bodied hug, lustfully admiring her telling her, ‘you’ve changed o’. She was awkward around him making me wonder what exactly ‘farthest I’ve gone’ entailed.

I know I sound judgmental, I also know I might not being doing What Jesus Would Do but I right now, I think I should just free her and let her go her way. I’m not looking for Miss Perfect but I don’t need someone whose sordid past is so close to home. I think I will constantly have the thought of them together in my head and it will lead to distrust of her, disrespect for her and eventually, contempt for her which will lead to me being repulsed by her.

Old things might be passed away but not when it was with my brother. I see the girls my brother has been with and I will not wish what they go through on my worst enemy’s sister. Imagining Similolu in those shoes just makes me mad…not at him but at her for having so low a self esteem to have dated Tunbosun, a self acclaimed and proud bad boy.

.

What are your thoughts on this guys? How would you feel if you found out that your boyfriend or girlfriend has once been with your promiscuous friend or your sibling? How would you as a person feel, realising you are in a relationship with your ex’s sibling or even relative? How does one deal with this?

Let’s muse!

Please guys don’t forget to vote for the Musings of a Caramel Latte Addict in the 2nd and last categories: http://nigerianblogawards.com/vote.php

Once you’ve submitted your voting form, please check your email (including junk mail and spam mail folders) for an email from nigerianblogawards@gmail.com and follow the instructions in the email to ensure your votes are counted. If you entered your email address during the nomination phase you will not receive an email confirmation and your vote will be immediately counted.

Temiville.xoxo

Diet/Lifestyle Change

Hi people,

Howdy? A few people such as IBK have asked about my lifestyle change and I want to share it with you all in this post. The key each day is that I must use more than what I take in. This means I must use up more calories than I eat. That was the cause of this whole weight gain in Bwari. I mean, from crazy Lagos driving, working in a busy Law firm, going up and down, I found myself in a place where it was from my room to class to mammy to eat and back to my room. And yet, I ate the same portions I would eat during my days of having a tight and busy schedule in Lagos. My body, for the reduced work it was doing, certainly didn’t need so much food anymore. In order to maintain my weight, I should have cut my food by a quarter and in order to lose weight, by a half. Anyways, all that is neither here nor there. The issue is what am I doing  NOW to deal with the situation.

Well, I start my day with 2 cups of water. I’ve read that drinking ice cold water first thing in the morning is an easy way to speed up your metabolism. Right when you wake up, drink a glass or two of cold water. Your body will have to warm up the water entering your system, which means increasing your metabolism in the process. It’s a simple step to add into your daily routine that, while not a miracle cure, can certainly contribute to your other weight loss efforts (http://www.fitday.com)

I LOVE coffee!

At about 8 am, I have my cup of coffee with less sugar and milk than I would normally use (don’t bother advising me against coffee- the name of my blog should be instructive in this regard :p). That carries me till about 11am when I have king size portion of fruits- I love pawpaws because the sugar content in them is low and they are so filling and have great effects on the skin.

So I have what will equate to 2 N50 slices of hard pawpaws. By 4:00/4:30, I am ready for what will end up being my only meal of the day. I still eat rice, yam but very reduced portions. So my plate has less whites and more colors. I have vegetables with my meal and drink loads of water. I have little portions of nuts during the day as my snack. At 8/9, I have more fruits and that’s it!

This is different from when I’d starve myself or skip meals. Now I always feel filled but I’m now filled with the right stuff that is good for me. My portions are small but not so small that I’d be craving another meal in a few hours.

I believe this kinda diet is sustainable. I also do a lot of housework that gets me sweating. I was sweeping and mopping yesterday and sweating like no man’s business. I’m not so great with the gym and always waste my membership so I have to figure out how to make diet work . I also pray to God for strength. I have reduced my Coke intake and have more water instead.

I have also stopped checking the scales every time or expecting tight clothes to automatically be free. I’m okay with the change taking two months to start being apparent remembering that my weight gain took a whole 3 months to build up. I have 4 inches to lose all over. So my waist needs to go back to 27 etc. Right now, clothes are fitting better and I feel better within. The changes are small but I celebrate them. If I can get back to my pre-Bwari size by the end of December 2012, I shall be a happy bunny. I also watch loads of weight loss videos on YouTube for inspiration. Check this one out:

Do you guys have any additional tips to share?

Temiville.xoxo

November!

Hi people!

Thank God for the grace to see a new month! I’m really thankful for my friends, family, readers, my country. God has been faithful. One more month and 2012 is over! Woohoo! Yes, I might not have achieved every single thing I set out to do, but for those I have accomplished, I am grateful to God. I pray great things will keep happening to all of us in Jesus’ name. Amen.

A few days ago, I was chatting with a friend of mine who I believe God just blessed with the best body size in the world. She is tall, slim, fit, great body. I remember looking at her back then in Bwari and thinking to myself: Nawa o, shebi this is a human being. Eating and yet normal.

I was frustrated with myself for every little extra weight I put on. I went into all manners of diets in Bwari. In the month of August, I went on a no carbs diet, totally shunning rice yet no change. I would deprive myself and be upset at what I can’t have and then comfort myself that today’s deprivation is tomorrow’s body. Yet nothing. I would go jogging in the mornings, nothing. In fact, since I got back home a few weeks ago, a total of eleven people have said things along these lines: Temi, nawa o. You must have been really enjoying in that your village of Bwari. You’ve chopped up. I would smile sweetly in response and not even bother denying it. Inside, I was so upset. Those who were too polite to say it gave me the ‘you’re fat’ look. Either way, I got the message!

So yeah, I got chatting with this super slim, super fit friend and I asked her if she was on any diet half expecting her to give me the ‘oh no, I’m just naturally slim’ talk. To my shock, I got this response:

“Yes o. I’m on a diet. I don’t eat carbs at all. I have boiled egg in the morning and vegetables in the afternoon. All my meals end at 2pm. If I’m hungry later, I have a cracker and that’s it.”

I was speechless. Wow. So even this perfect looking girl was doing something to look so perfect. Now this brings me to my point…

***

It’s very easy to look at people that seem to have it right and credit it to their good fortune forgetting that a good chunk of people put in the work to get the results. Some people look like they have the perfect job that gives them all the nice perks. You don’t know how hard they pray and work. Some people seem like their marriage is just so amazing. You do not know how much the woman has to forgo her own desires and submit to her husband’s. You don’t know how hard it is for that man to love his wife in the way Christ commanded. You don’t know how much prayer has gone down. You don’t know how some people wake up at 4:30 am to command their mornings in order to have the perfect day you always think they have. You don’t know the struggles. You don’t know the sacrifices. You only see the result. And then you say: I wish I had that kind of marriage. I wish I had that job, the list is unending.

My point is this: nothing good comes easy-not for you and certainly not for the next guy that has things going good. Pray, put in the work and by God’s grace, you will achieve your goals.Now, I’m not sure I can do the no food after 2pm thingy, but I started a form of diet about 2 weeks ago that is more of a lifestyle change and I’m already seeing changes. I just cannot be fat mehn!

Have a lovely week ahead! God bless and keep us all. May the ills of the ‘…ember’ months not be ours nor our families’ in Jesus’ name.

Love,

Temiville.xoxo