Help! They hate her!
November 6, 2012
I’m a 31 year old guy who has been dating Funke for 10 months. I proposed to her 2 months ago. All my siblings live in England and have been there for a while so they have never met her before. Funke finished her Bar Finals in August and was going to be travelling to England to unwind before her NYSC begins. So I told her to go see them in Birmingham were they all live. I have 3 siblings-all girls, Tunmininu and Tunmishe are 28 year old twins and Tamilore is 25. They are all studying for their MSc at Birmingham University and could easily pass for triplets. The twins are not totally identical but it is clear they are siblings. Tamilore and Tunmishe are the ones who actually look like twins thereby making all three look so much alike. They are also extremely close and have always been. I value their opinion as my sisters and I have made decisions based on their views in the past.
I was so convinced Funke would get along with them. She is very respectful, well behaved and humble and I had no doubt they would hit it off like a house on fire. So convinced was I that I asked her to spend the weekend with them. I wanted them to get along so much. Funke had met my mom and dad and they love her. To cut a long tale short, Tunmininu and Tunmishe called me on Sunday night complaining bitterly about Funke. They called her lazy and unhelpful. They said they had to do some shopping at the market and she said she was too tired to come along with them and had to rest.
‘Olumide, it was really disgraceful. I mean, she’s meeting us for the first time. She could not even ‘tiju‘ and just accompany us. It’s not like we were walking. We were taking a bus there and a taxi back so I don’t get it. When we got back, there she was-sleeping. When she eventually woke up, shebi she’ll at least have some shame and offer to help us cook or something. She went to the living room and started watching the Kardashians and gisting about them with Tami. It was really a shameful sight. When it was time for dinner, she refused what we offered her and went to the TESCO’s downstairs to get packed salad. What is she trying to say? That her perfect size 8 body would be destroyed and become like our own size 12 bodies abi? Ahn ahn kilode. Omo Yoruba ni wa o (we have a rich culture of respect and hardwork as Yorubas)and it is not done anywhere.’
I was weak. Anyone that has sisters knows that when they conspire, there’s nothing you can do but hope God confuses their language because otherwise, that Tower of Babel is going straight up! They told me not to tell her but that they were sorry, she was just too lazy for them and too vain and materialistic with her Gucci bag and Louboutin shoes. I could sense some envy but I dare not say that. You see, Funke is from an extremely wealthy home, the kind where even all her grandparents were trained in England and had serious old money. Her grandparents live in all those old Ikoyi homes and basically, she had never lacked anything. Aside of her parents’ wealth, her older brother ran a good business and she was on his monthly ‘payroll’ though she didn’t particularly work with him. Her combined monthly allowance from parents, grandparents, brother and the occasional cash gifts from uncles and aunties was more than some people earn in 5 months. Despite this, I saw in her humility, love for those that lacked and a helpful nature. I know of at least 3 kids whose education and upkeep she is responsible for. And she didn’t tell me all these, I just randomly found out.
Even her parents are like that. I know of some managing parents who would grill you about how well your parents are doing and if your ‘Akinyele’ is of the Minister’s side. The day I went to theirs and met them, not once did they ask about any irrelevant information. They were loving and nice and genuinely happy to see their daughter in good hands. I drove into a house that looked like they were running a car dealership with my 2006 Camry and yet, every one, I mean every single person treated me as though I was the wealthiest person in the world and I could see where Funke got her good nature from.
Even when Funke comes to mine, she’d help my mom in the kitchen. Gist with her about any and everything and my parents really like her. So now that the three most important girls to me all find her repulsive, I am really confused.
I asked Funke how the weekend went with my sisters and she responded, ‘Great! I really love them. They are so sweet and helpful and let me rest because I was having terrible cramps. I didn’t tell them because I didn’t want to be nursed but they were so kind to me. They made me breakfast. It was so nice. All my fears about meeting your sister were all unfounded. What a lovely threesome!’
What to do?
Guys! This happens all the time. We claim we want to have amazing sisters in law and yet we are beastly to ours. We need to learn to show love to our in-laws and in-laws to be, especially the female ones since they are coming into our homes. We must receive them in genuine love and make them feel welcome. I’m not saying we should be fake and ignore every wrongdoing BUT we must treat them the EXACT same way we want to be treated by our husbands’ families.
Let’s stop being bitchy and quick to notice every wrong. Let’s make excuses for them and understand that backgrounds are very different. Not everyone grew up in a home where you wake up and resume duties in the kitchen. Not everyone is used to the whole saying yes to every offer in order to be polite. Not everyone has learned the politics of handling in laws. Let’s be accommodating. My mom is such an inspiration in this regard. Those girls are just plain lucky. They are on her BB and their pictures go up as her DP randomly with lovely status messages. I saw her chats with them once and they are really cool. That’s seed sowing in my opinion.
My prayer now is that God gives our brothers/sons great wives-not the ones that have come to kill, steal and destroy: kill the love they have for you; steal all they have and destroy relationships they have with their family. Because, I would be a liar to say there aren’t some Jezebelic women out there who all they think of is how to use the man dry. Their favourite song is ‘Chop my money!’ and they don’t ever intend to build the man and think up ideas to generate wealth for him. They make the man buy they the most expensive gifts on his relatively meagre salary. I mean, what business does a man earning 160k per month have buying a girlfriend 700 GBP Louboutin shoes? Priorities people. I’m all for being generous but wisdom is the principal thing. These women have no business with Proverbs 31 and some are even fetish. So I think we should pray that God separates our men from such vile women. We really should not be part of those complaining bitterly that a woman is lazy etc.
God help us mehn!