Hi people,
I’m a 31 year old guy who has been dating Funke for 10 months. I proposed to her 2 months ago. All my siblings live in England and have been there for a while so they have never met her before. Funke finished her Bar Finals in August and was going to be travelling to England to unwind before her NYSC begins. So I told her to go see them in Birmingham were they all live. I have 3 siblings-all girls, Tunmininu and Tunmishe are 28 year old twins and Tamilore is 25. They are all studying for their MSc at Birmingham University and could easily pass for triplets. The twins are not totally identical but it is clear they are siblings. Tamilore and Tunmishe are the ones who actually look like twins thereby making all three look so much alike. They are also extremely close and have always been. I value their opinion as my sisters and I have made decisions based on their views in the past.
***
I was so convinced Funke would get along with them. She is very respectful, well behaved and humble and I had no doubt they would hit it off like a house on fire. So convinced was I that I asked her to spend the weekend with them. I wanted them to get along so much. Funke had met my mom and dad and they love her. To cut a long tale short, Tunmininu and Tunmishe called me on Sunday night complaining bitterly about Funke. They called her lazy and unhelpful. They said they had to do some shopping at the market and she said she was too tired to come along with them and had to rest.
Tunmishe said,
‘Olumide, it was really disgraceful. I mean, she’s meeting us for the first time. She could not even ‘tiju‘ and just accompany us. It’s not like we were walking. We were taking a bus there and a taxi back so I don’t get it. When we got back, there she was-sleeping. When she eventually woke up, shebi she’ll at least have some shame and offer to help us cook or something. She went to the living room and started watching the Kardashians and gisting about them with Tami. It was really a shameful sight. When it was time for dinner, she refused what we offered her and went to the TESCO’s downstairs to get packed salad. What is she trying to say? That her perfect size 8 body would be destroyed and become like our own size 12 bodies abi? Ahn ahn kilode. Omo Yoruba ni wa o (we have a rich culture of respect and hardwork as Yorubas)and it is not done anywhere.’
***
I was weak. Anyone that has sisters knows that when they conspire, there’s nothing you can do but hope God confuses their language because otherwise, that Tower of Babel is going straight up! They told me not to tell her but that they were sorry, she was just too lazy for them and too vain and materialistic with her Gucci bag and Louboutin shoes. I could sense some envy but I dare not say that. You see, Funke is from an extremely wealthy home, the kind where even all her grandparents were trained in England and had serious old money. Her grandparents live in all those old Ikoyi homes and basically, she had never lacked anything. Aside of her parents’ wealth, her older brother ran a good business and she was on his monthly ‘payroll’ though she didn’t particularly work with him. Her combined monthly allowance from parents, grandparents, brother and the occasional cash gifts from uncles and aunties was more than some people earn in 5 months. Despite this, I saw in her humility, love for those that lacked and a helpful nature. I know of at least 3 kids whose education and upkeep she is responsible for. And she didn’t tell me all these, I just randomly found out.
***
Even her parents are like that. I know of some managing parents who would grill you about how well your parents are doing and if your ‘Akinyele’ is of the Minister’s side. The day I went to theirs and met them, not once did they ask about any irrelevant information. They were loving and nice and genuinely happy to see their daughter in good hands. I drove into a house that looked like they were running a car dealership with my 2006 Camry and yet, every one, I mean every single person treated me as though I was the wealthiest person in the world and I could see where Funke got her good nature from.
Even when Funke comes to mine, she’d help my mom in the kitchen. Gist with her about any and everything and my parents really like her. So now that the three most important girls to me all find her repulsive, I am really confused.
***
I asked Funke how the weekend went with my sisters and she responded, ‘Great! I really love them. They are so sweet and helpful and let me rest because I was having terrible cramps. I didn’t tell them because I didn’t want to be nursed but they were so kind to me. They made me breakfast. It was so nice. All my fears about meeting your sister were all unfounded. What a lovely threesome!’
What to do?
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Guys! This happens all the time. We claim we want to have amazing sisters in law and yet we are beastly to ours. We need to learn to show love to our in-laws and in-laws to be, especially the female ones since they are coming into our homes. We must receive them in genuine love and make them feel welcome. I’m not saying we should be fake and ignore every wrongdoing BUT we must treat them the EXACT same way we want to be treated by our husbands’ families.
Let’s stop being bitchy and quick to notice every wrong. Let’s make excuses for them and understand that backgrounds are very different. Not everyone grew up in a home where you wake up and resume duties in the kitchen. Not everyone is used to the whole saying yes to every offer in order to be polite. Not everyone has learned the politics of handling in laws. Let’s be accommodating. My mom is such an inspiration in this regard. Those girls are just plain lucky. They are on her BB and their pictures go up as her DP randomly with lovely status messages. I saw her chats with them once and they are really cool. That’s seed sowing in my opinion.
***
My prayer now is that God gives our brothers/sons great wives-not the ones that have come to kill, steal and destroy: kill the love they have for you; steal all they have and destroy relationships they have with their family. Because, I would be a liar to say there aren’t some Jezebelic women out there who all they think of is how to use the man dry. Their favourite song is ‘Chop my money!’ and they don’t ever intend to build the man and think up ideas to generate wealth for him. They make the man buy they the most expensive gifts on his relatively meagre salary. I mean, what business does a man earning 160k per month have buying a girlfriend 700 GBP Louboutin shoes? Priorities people. I’m all for being generous but wisdom is the principal thing. These women have no business with Proverbs 31 and some are even fetish. So I think we should pray that God separates our men from such vile women. We really should not be part of those complaining bitterly that a woman is lazy etc.
Why can’t we all just get along?
God help us mehn!
Any thoughts?
Temiville.xoxo
Musings of a Caramel Latte Addict 
Nov 06, 2012 @ 10:52:25
I think people should generally learn how to take a chill pill, take time to understand others and adopt thinking outside the box!
What’s with the expectations from the sisters? They barely know her and she has a right not to pretend! If she’s not willing to go-a-shopping, does that now make her lazy? She was their guest not maid! This to me is only a typical case of straitjacket thinking! They barely experienced the girl before judging!
They are ladies too and would be going into different homes sooner or later, I hope they understand life has a restaurant called ‘Karma’; they wouldn’t need to order in there, they would be served that which is due them.
Connive my foot!
Nov 06, 2012 @ 12:06:15
Yayyyy!! I’m so proud of myself 😛 now my comment 🙂
he should thank God for the woman God has given him and pray for his sisters, I think they feel threatened their brother is ‘leaving’ them and all.
I hear terrible stories about sisters in-law and wives and I just wonder! If you go down to the root it can be summarised as insecurity on the part of one or jealousy on the part of the other. I think every girl should take this ” ….we must treat them the EXACT same way we want to be treated by our husbands families” seriously. Remember the bible says the measure with which you mete shall be measured back to you #simples
Nov 06, 2012 @ 12:29:10
1. He is the only guy with 3 sisters, his wife to be is bound to undergo lots of scrutiny from those girls,and with the nature of girls I am not surprised.
2. Not every girl can handle the brother they love so much give attention to another girl
3. They seem to be jealous and very insecure
4. I know you want all 4 to get along, but I think you have a very good girl and your happiness is also paramount ..know that
5. Your parents love her,that is a huge plus.
6, among your three sisters there’s definitely one who kinda likes her or doesn’t really have a problem with her.find out who the sister is and you can try to penetrate through the others from there.
7. Good girls these days are not easy to come by.,remember that.
8. Talk to your mum about your sisters behaviour and finally,pray that everyone grows to be one big happy family.
You see as the only girl, I know any guy that comes along will be drilled,but the difference is that guys don’t usually have all those pettiness..
If they are ever against it,it will be for a very strong and serious reason.
The same way a mother who has only boys will drill any girl her boy(s) want to marry.
Behind it all is love,but then for ladies it tends to enter jealousy..lol
Treat your in-laws and in-laws to be the same way you want to be treated when you get married.
Nov 06, 2012 @ 12:32:22
Off topic…temi I think I saw your blog as one of those that will be contributing to Ynaija yeah?
Nov 06, 2012 @ 12:40:37
I just think the sisters r jealous of her. He should just ignore them n have a life with this lovely girl. But he should make it clear to them that he loves her n he will be by her side a hundred percent.
Nov 06, 2012 @ 15:21:34
Hi guys,
I feel that the girl was kinda rude. Come on lets be real. You haven’t met your fiance’s siblings before. Obviously you’ll want to make a good impression. How can she go out and buy her own salad and not eat with them. It’s bad enough that she didn’t help at all with the cooking but not eating with them is just wrong. I admit she could have been tired from the trip but she should have told the sisters she had cramps and to be honest, for her to be watching tv and gisting about the kardashians means that the cramps were not that bad. Sometimes even when i visit friends, and I decline an offer to eat, some people do not like it, not to talk of the family you are about to enter into making you dinner. Basically, it is good to be wise. There is no guarantee that your in-laws will like you or not but it is good to express oneself in a positive light and continue to build up that relationship.
Nov 08, 2012 @ 10:44:12
My sentiments exactly. its not just because she hopes to go into the family. it is only the right thing to do. simple courtesy. make she go rest jare. the thing with life is it takes a little effort to create a good impression but it takes a whole lot of effort to change a wrong impression. what would it have caused her to act well. she has her good sides by being a good natured and free-giving person but she seems a little too mannerless for my liking.
that said, the bobo has a whole lot of work to do in bridging that gulf that i see forming in the relationship between her and his siblings. perhaps getting to know each other more will do the magic. with time they’ll all get to know what each likes and this issue will be a tale for the laughs
Nov 06, 2012 @ 15:54:58
I see nothing wrong with what this girl did. I think the issue about this circumstance is the fact that the sisters expected her to kiss their asses and it did not happen. She doesn’t have to go shopping with you neither does she have to cook with you to prove herself because that is not the way to measure someones goodness. About her opting for salad oh please! if you’re not comfortable in your size 12 may be you should have asked her to buy a pack for you. The sisters should stop being so shallow, insecure and jealous.
Nov 06, 2012 @ 21:25:27
I’ve read all the comments and agree wiv some of you but I’m more on Shanday’s side. We’re all Nigerians and its a known “fact” (for want of a better word) that when u’re going to see your in-laws, most especially the sisters and the mum, u have to be on your best behaviour.
There’s nothing wrong in staying at home if u don’t feel up to shopping but watching TV while ur inlaws are in the kitchen (cramps or no cramps) doesn’t speak well of you. I think she should have stayed in her room.
And then its not polite to refuse food offered to you when u knew they’d cook for you. She should have told them she wouldn’t eat dinner with them b4 they started cooking. Going downstairs to buy salad after they had finished cooking was just rude!
Nov 07, 2012 @ 15:27:35
Jealousy nia dey worry those girls… I pray their own inlaws don’t treat them bad
Nov 08, 2012 @ 07:55:04
temi, thanx for ur daily dose of refreshing articles. I hope it wont come to an end when u go back to school.lol.
when I was in three hundred level in school, my roommate would lie on my bed every now and then and when she was on she’d leave my sheets stained. rather than ask her i’ld simply pack it and wash. my other roommates dint understand why I dint ban her from lieing on my bed or give her d sheets to wash. but somehow I jus ignored it. one day, she walked into d room passed jus beside me and greeted my other roommate who was talking at d moment. about 5 minutes later I said spoke and suddenly she jumped up. she dint know I was in d room and she had passed jus by me. I always knew she had bad eye right but I dint know it was dat bad. sometimes the person we are hating doesn even know they are doing something wrong or has a medical condition dat wont allow otherwise. what if she has asthma, would u insist she does anything strenuous? what if she never pounded yam? does she become a write off?
Nov 08, 2012 @ 12:00:16
dont know which is more dreadful; SILs or MILs???
MAy God bless us with good ones o.
Nov 09, 2012 @ 17:08:36
Wow! Im happy he know it is his sisters fault.some guys turn blind eyes to their family members actions and attitudes. In the end,they conclude that the girl is not a wife material because their family members think so.
Nov 10, 2012 @ 21:19:04
its all about ‘making an effort’,and we can blame the sisters all we like,but funke did not make ANY effort at all,what’s wrong with telling the sisters she had cramps and so can not go shopping?.Afterall they are all girls.plus going downstairs to get a salad after the sisters offered her something to eat is just wrong on many levels!.Anything short of her being a vegetarian and the meal prepared was chicken pepper soup,the she should have eated the food.Its all about making a good first impression and we need to realise this sisters have never met her before,so this is their first impression of her.Now she’s ended up putting the guy in an awkward situation…his sisters or his fiance
Nov 14, 2012 @ 10:40:43
The guy shouldnt have made her meet his sisters for the first time in his absence. Its always a recipe for disaster.
That being said, i feel the sisters are reacting to a ‘supposed’ loss/transfer of affection from their brother to his girlfriend.
Madam girlfriend could also have made some effort to warm up to the ladies cramp or no cramp.
In all, to each your own. May the good lord teach us how best to act under decisive situations. Amen!
Nov 23, 2012 @ 08:50:11
As much as it’s important to make the best first impression, it isn’t all the time that first impressions give all the details we need. So the sisters may want to give her benefit of the doubt. We grew up in different enviroments and see things differently. From Funke’s report, it’s just a matter of perception.
But that aside, Funke could have made a better impression. Maybe she couldn’t have gone shopping but even with the cramps and all, the least she could do was sit with them in the kitchen and talk. Tell them you’ve got cramps and can’t do much but show you would have wanted to.
I believe she’s a good girl and the guy is lucky. He does have work to do showing his sisters that. And she has to help. Be yourself but be a good self.