Can I be honest? As in reeeaaally honest? I’ll go ahead and be honest anyways…hehehe. Up until I was 18, I was hoping to marry a guy whose mom was long gone (ie DEAD) and had NO sisters. *dodging daggers* Before you take me to the gallows, let me first point out that now, I don’t hold that hope anymore.
What exactly put these thoughts my way? For some ladies out there who have had a glimpse into what life can be with horrid in-laws, my justifications are simply unnecessary. They know them far too well. But for others who have been surrounded with stories of and personal amazing experiences with in-laws, I need to expatiate further.
Mothers-in-law and sisters-in-law too have the power to be the best thing that can ever happen to you or the absolute WORST! They have such strong holds on their sons/brothers in more ways than can be coherently explained. It is just way God made it. Also, women have this God-given power which if used in the good, Godly and loving way, can have a positive impact on all around them. Unfortunately, the reverse is also the case.
I have heard of cases where moms just cannot stand their sons being all loving, giving and caring to their daughters-in-law! They just go green with envy. I personally think it reminds them of the things they lacked in their own marriage because hardly will you find a woman in a beautiful marriage feeling bad when she sees her son building one for himself. It is just that same age-long woman versus woman jealousy. ‘How can this small geh be enjoying like this ehn? All the things I laboured for! Where was she when I sold firewood in the market to send him to school? Where was she? Tell me!’
To be fair, there are cases where moms love their sons so much and are just insanely protective of them and are suspicious of every girl. I mean every girl! They just do not trust them. They think they are pretending no matter what they do. If you like kneel down to the ground on Oxford Street till you knees begin to bleed, they will not budge! Here, it is not the envy that is influencing their behaviour, it is FEAR. Fear that ‘this girl is just not good enough for my son’.
I trust you NOT
So as the daughter in law in this case, what do you do? Do you begin to quote Psalm 35 LOUDLY which begins with ‘Contend, O LORD, with those who contend with me; fight against those who fight against me’ during your prayer sessions whenever she comes visiting so she can hear you reporting her to GOD? Do you hoover her legs and pretend it was ‘a mistake’ (now, where did that come from? hehehe). Do you do what Jennifer Lopez did to her monster mother-in-law? Check out this scene:
These, appealing as they may seem (to a mean few) are not the ways forward. I kinda like Ini Edo’s approach to her horrific mother-in-law, Patience Ozokwor in MOTHERS-IN-LAW. I thought she was fab up until when she started fighting with her. I don’t think that is a good idea. I really don’t. Watch it here:
I think the best thing to do is to continually show love to her. I know it seems foolish but you can only fight hatred with love. You can only overcome evil with good (Romans 12:21). Don’t just be a mumu however. A mumu is someone who in this situaton will just be showing love without PRAYING. You need to get down on your knees and ask God to help. You need to ask the Holy Spirit to give you WISDOM because wisdom is indeed the principal thing (Proverbs 4:7). You ‘cannot win the battle’ without God. No amount of love you show can do the trick. God needs to intervene.
All things are possible
Well, well, well…there you have it. However, for those of us single ladies out there, the best thing to do right now will not be to wish your future moms-in-law are already dead or die before we meet our husbands, the best thing is to begin to invest some hours per week in prayer SPECIFICALLY on this issue. Trust me it can bring bliss to a home when your mom-in-law is a true MOTHER to you and it can also bring untold sorrows when she is a MONSTER. So ladies, open your mouth and let your prayers roar like THUNDER!!! hehehe.
By God’s grace we will be able to wear this badge without feeling like liars.
PS: I’m loving this song by Out of Eden Have Mercy <—-click to listen.
That’s all folks (for now)
Temiville.xoxo
Musings of a Caramel Latte Addict 
Oct 06, 2010 @ 08:24:56
Hmmmmm….. truly… We women feel uncomfortable around new comers… someone taking over our place.. and Temi.. you would do the same.. except if you make a conscious effort to be good to the other person.
We need to watch our steps, that in so doing, we do not make life unbearable for another, after all, perfect love casteth out fear.
Oct 06, 2010 @ 08:52:46
lol! I guess I would want to ensure my son is in ‘good hands’ but I won’t make life unbearable for his choice. Let’s pray he doesn’t bring home a bimbo! hehehe
Oct 06, 2010 @ 09:10:34
Believe me u are not alone. I used to have that same view as well. Then I thot that’s how some girl that wants to marry my son will be wishing me dead aswell! *frightened*
I realised that instead of praying for the death of a woman that has done absolutely nothing wrong to me, I’ld rather pray to find one that is loving, caring and would accept me and even teach me things I need to learn.
May God continue to shed light on our ignorance ooooo!
Amen!!!
Oct 06, 2010 @ 13:53:59
I totally agree with you Mot Mot. My mom had a terrible mom-in-law (my dad’s mom). I can’t even call her grandma. All the horrible things you can imagine, she was. But now my sister in law is enjoying in the hands of my mom and thank God, likewise, my sister married into a godly home. So lets just make up our minds to do right all the time.
God will help us to have good mothers in law and to be good mothers in law too. AmEn.
Oct 06, 2010 @ 09:45:16
Noice!
i think i would like to give a few tips to having a good mother in-law.
i know that there are different scenarios, different culture and all, understand that we may not be able to obtain the best practice but can work with the best fit ideas for peculiar situations.
what i wanna say centres the first impression you make. they say first impression matter and last long. u wanna make it last trust me.
1. understand the culture, if yoruba, make sure you kneel down to greet
2. make yourself useful in the kitchen by getting you food and cleaning up afterwards
3. if the family operates an orthodox Christian home, u may wanna wear a skirt. ( dont u bite me just yet–i aint saying you should pretend or change who you are but remember you second meeting may b the following day, so u can wear a pair of trouser then—just my opinion, happened to my friend)
4. you might also want to be respectful by calling her mummy and using ‘ma’ at intervals.
5. get to know what she likes and plug into the discussion. eg naija movys, hair-do……
6. having a good conversation or just a general jist with your future bro n sis in-law helps, trust me, mum sees everything going on. she would speak with one of them afterwards to seek their opinion.
7. smile
8. if mama is in the village, buy her a gift.
well like bugs bunny would say…..dats all folks
Oct 06, 2010 @ 13:57:26
Wandy, u make sense no doubt but the fin is yeah, like temiville say yeah, some ppl will just not budge. some are just down right mean. ive seen it happen. not to me right, cos im not married yet but ive heard of it so like your tips are good yeah, but only for a good mother in law cos they won’t work on a really mean one. She’ll still hate u no mata what you do/say/wear/buy.
nice blog btw.
Oct 09, 2010 @ 07:44:35
lol, well the best we can do is to try. she cant hate you for life. woteva happens, one day she will relax. could even b at the point of child birth.
as long as we men put our feet on the ground and not allow some insults from mum to wify, den things are cool.
cheers
Oct 06, 2010 @ 14:04:04
btw , Wandy, are u a guy or a girl? It does not really matter but all that u r saying is nice oh omo but it is STORY!!! Me, I’m going to lay it down in my home. People will ride you if you are too nice to them. For example Wandy, if your husband decides to bring them to stay with u, will u agree? The nonsense will not stop. U need to kill it before it becomes too much. Me, I’m not wearing any skirt oh!
Oct 09, 2010 @ 07:47:28
dude am a guy ooooooo. just being a lil practical.
i agree with you man. dont take some s****, dont even allow it to start.
Madam is the 2nd in command, she has as much authority as you do so once both of you lay the cards out, then all is well, at least a good start.
cheers
Oct 06, 2010 @ 14:00:46
I’ve really enjoyed that Ini Edo movie. Do u have more by her or Patience Ozokwo? thx u
Oct 07, 2010 @ 03:12:51
I think women are just naturally intolerant of each other. How come these problems dont brew between father-in-laws and husbands. If you have ever seen a hostel setting in Naija you would see the girls fighting over everything while the guys just get along like they were born together.
The wives who complain about their mother in law in most cases are not just being reasonable about it. You cant expect a man to take your side against his mother. Just as you when you become mothers wont want your daughter in law to disrespect you.
They key is to treat your mother-in-law the way you would treat your own mom and even more. Cos if she is old enough to birth your husband, She wld have kids your age too.
The wives of today would become mother-in-laws 30yrs down the line and hopefully your daughter in law would treat you like you treated your mother-in-law. CAN I HEAR SOMEONE SAY AMEN? LOL
Oct 11, 2010 @ 09:51:46
AMEN!!!!
Oct 07, 2010 @ 11:24:54
Hi, nice write up. I’m not really ere 2 comment on the topic, but i jst luv ur use of videos & pictures to illustrate ur point. Great stuff.
P.s. I’m sure ur mother-in-law will luv u even more than her son. (ok, that’s too much…..lol)
Oct 07, 2010 @ 11:26:41
Awwwwwwwwwww…. thanks Mikey…Amen to your prayer…its not too much jor! lol
Oct 07, 2010 @ 12:59:09
Well……there’s so much to say on this topic…lol.
I’m totally with Dayo on this, “treat your mother-in-law the way you would treat your own mom and even more”, but I’d like to add a twist (got that from X-Factor); there are things you’d get away with when you try it with your mom, but they would infuriate your mother-in-law, so don’t over-step your bounds.
I’ve got one question though; how come guys don’t usually have issues with their fathers-in-law???
Oct 07, 2010 @ 22:05:30
lol… The reason why men hardly have issues with their fathers-in-law relates to the fact that women are historically usually insanely jealous of each other. For some strange reason, there is this rivalry that takes place with women, however old they are. Guys, on the other hand, are cool. They have their issues too but it will hardly ever revolve around jealousy…
Oct 09, 2010 @ 22:41:23
MY BOYFRIEND’S MOM LOOKS SET TO BE A MONSTER-IN-LAW!!! She never says anything bad to me but she is ever so cool and cold to me as per, she never hugs me well. When I try to ‘gist’ with her she s never keen and never seems intersted. She is polite to me o but distant. Like she doesnt trust me. I guess it doesnt help matters that my bf is her only son. I’m not sure I want to be mean to her cos my bf can DIE for her as in its DEEP! so ill take your advice temiville and get on my knees cos he’s a good man and like the song goes, youre gonna LOVE ME!!!
love ur posts so far! I know ive commented on it but star signs are true men! My bf i a GEMINI and according to the astrological stuff, we are soooo compatible. So far so true! I’m gonna start blogging soon so please subscribe 🙂
Oct 11, 2010 @ 09:53:23
Men Onyeekchi, just keep praying. Nothing is impossible with God. It may just be that she doesn’t know you long enough. How long have you been together? Give it time and give it God…
Oct 11, 2010 @ 22:38:39
haha, i have to say I used to have those thoughts as well, I mean hoping she would be dead and he wld be the only child or just have brothers… alongside with the prayer i used to pray that God will drop my husband from the sky and he would be perfect and he wont need parents and yadeyah.. well you can tell i am crazy but yea.
So I agree with you.. my prayers and hopes are beginning to change as well and boy, mother in laws are something I am getting ready to deal with, emotionally and mentally and I think I have been having some practice somehow!
Oct 13, 2010 @ 19:50:57
Some practice eh? *wink* God will help us all to have great moms-in-law and to be greats daughters-in-law too.
Oct 13, 2010 @ 20:03:09
haha.. not practice like that o.. i am very single! lol i mean practice in other situations in life where I have just had to close my eyes and ears to certain situation, take it on the chin and move on 😉
Nov 07, 2010 @ 13:33:01
I’m so glad you posted this. My relationship with my stepmother-in-law is not the best but I pray all the time about it. Before, I got married I prayed that i would have a mother-in-law that I loved. Someone who I could talk to, hang out with, share stories, with..a mother type. That is forever out the window but I still pray that we can at least be civil to one another. Thanks for the post. Psalms 35, huh? I’ll be reading that today:)
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Jul 29, 2011 @ 11:50:55
hmmmmm. I @ one point too growing up prayed that my MIL be dead. lol. Till I “got a revelation” thru a friend? She once mentioned such 2 her mum (middle child, only girl with a brother b4 and after her) and her mum replied “Don’t forget u would by God’s grace be a MIL too. Would u like your DIL to pray u die b4 u reap? That put the fear of God in me. Like you said, some MILs and SILs can be the Devil himself. Same with some DILs. We can only get on our knees and pray to God for strength, grace and a change of heart. Funny, my bf’s mum is dead (and I feel bad I ever prayed such prayers) and am so sad she wouldn’t see us marry. She was such a wonderful person. Even before I started dating her son, she already took me as her daughter (she knew her son was on my case tho). And his sister? Also a very nice person. So what more can a girl want?
Dec 02, 2011 @ 13:11:34
I have a wonderful mum-in-law. Even though we started on the wrong foot, we have managed to strike balance. The punchline is ‘patience, tolerance and prayer’ as rightly inferred in the article, She sees me more like her daughter now and even take sides with me when my husband and i have differences. It’s that amazing.
Tha In-Laws « hitnrunmullings
Nov 02, 2012 @ 09:21:37