Rule 1 in Robert Greene’s ‘Art of Seduction’

CHOOSE THE RIGHT VICTIM

Everything depends on the target of your seduction. Study your prey thoroughly, and choose only those who will prove susceptible to your charms. The right victims are those for whom you can fill a void, who see in you something exotic. They are often isolated or unhappy, or can easily be made so- for the completely contented person is almost impossible to seduce… The perfect victim allows for the perfect chase.

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Loneliness is not the absence of affection but the absence of direction. Being satisfied with your state of being or your direction-where you want to be is very crucial and you have to do all in your powers to ensure you make yourself happy. When you have a clear picture of where you are headed, you tend not to dwell too much on temporary distractions. Now, I’d be a liar to say that we all don’t feel a need to be with people and relax, chill, have a good time etc. But it should all be done with control and discipline.

Read the first paragraph again. Somewhere there it says, ‘the completely contented person is almost impossible to seduce’. According to TD Jakes,  loneliness is the absence of focus and I think I agree with him. There is a vacuum in all of us. You need to understand who you really are and instead of filling the void with what seems right and feels good, you ought to fill it with what IS right.

No one can fill up that vacuum for you. No human has that ability and it is UNFAIR to expect anyone to do so. No boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, husband, job etc can help you, only you in conjuction with God can work it out. Sometimes, when that void speaks out, all we need to do is read a book or even sleep. Sometimes, simply watching TV would do the trick or praying. It’s not always required that you pick your phone and send messages to 10 contacts, ‘wassup, I’m coming to your house now’. In solitude, we learn a lot about ourselves and about our future. Embrace the occasional solitude and learn who you are, your Dos and Don’ts. Understand yourself better and develop security in self.

When you are all by yourself, do you itch to do something? Do you immediately get on your BB and put your status as ‘bored to death’? Are you cool in your own company or do you constantly need people to validate you? The need for constant company, validation, friendship can be really self destructive.

When you, in this state, get into a relationship, friendship, you punish the other party or both of you develop a self destructive mutual reliance on each other at best or you give them room to manipulate you badly at worst (see first paragraph). When such a party decides to leave, if ever, you feel terrible almost suicidal as though your world will not go on. But it will and understanding yourself would have told you just that: you will go right on with or without that visa, with or without the application being successful, with or without that girl, with or without that business deal.

The story is told of a girl who became so tied up with her friend, they did every single thing together. I mean, once one woke up, the other had an unwritten responsibility to call up the other to wake her up. They would go everywhere together and the one was not allowed to go out to a birthday party for instance if the other could not come along. It was almost suspect. But in truth they had simply developed a worrying reliance on each other which turns into a sticky situation when one wants to or even NEEDS to break free.

Apparently, all through their uni years, neither could have a proper relationship and their best attempts was with two close friends. When one ended it, the other almost felt guilty for still being happy with her boyfriend and eventually her own relationship died a slow but sure death.  I hear today, they can hardly stand each other as one went off to study for her Masters despite the fact that they were to go together but was denied a student’s visa. She never forgave her friend for her betrayal. Please, what is that?

This is also relatable in romantic relationships where the girl cannot have her circle of friends or where the guy is immediately suspected of cheating once he goes out without his girlfriend. This is unhealthy and borderline obsessive and stems from insecurity and inability to be alone and actually ENJOY being all by yourself. I mean alone in the house, alone in the library with your books and no frequent BB updates on your every move. Be alone and be fine!

I read part of Robert Greene’s book and I can assure you, it felt like the devil’s manual. I have learned to be careful and be happy with who I am. In due time, God will perfect all that concerns you. All in good time…

I know this post might come across as preachy but remember my first audience is I.

Have a blissful day!

Temiville.xoxo

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