Hi guys,
How have you been? I have had a really good week so far. I have found a church FINALLY…. Harvesters in Gbagada. I have thoroughly enjoyed their Thursday Fellowship here on the Island and their Sunday service in Gbagada has also been interesting. So after all these months, I can comfortably and proudly say I have a church in which I can work. I’m thinking of joining the Children’s Department…Let’s see how that goes.
I went for Wednesday Mid week at TWB yesterday and it was quite an interesting experience. Dr. Cindy Trimm was ministering and it was PACKED! One thing is for sure, I don’t like crowds, lol. I like the good ol’ small fellowship and was shocked at the number of people there. I had to bribe the car park assistant to let me park inside the Oriental lot because parking in the 2nd building would have led to a night mare when it ended. It was good sha.
Now to today’s post…
My friend is probably going to kill me for putting this up but I’ve always trusted in the wisdom of MCLA readers. This might seem relatively simple but what are your thoughts guys?
***
I met Olu in July 2011 at a friend’s bridal shower. Weird, I know. He came with his friend, the groom , to drop off the bride at the venue. It was a surprise so they had both cooked up some tale about him having something to do at 4 Points. We did not officially meet as we were neither introduced nor did we speak but our eyes held for a while and as soon as the ‘SURPRISE!’ was screamed the two men left.
Naturally, we met again at the engagement ceremony and this time, we spoke. To cut short what could easily become a long tale, I started liking him and we were hanging out pretty often. It was then I noticed that he was always receiving phone calls from a particular UK number saved under ‘Bimpe’.
I decided to ask him who she was and then he told me that himself and Bimpe are in a relationship. They had been dating for about 5 months but had agreed to break up if she was unable to relocate to Nigeria by February 2012. She had completed her programme and was trying to get work experience in England before returning. Now, he’s asking that we carry on till February when the FINAL decision will be made. In short, I’ll be dating another girl’s man till February??? He said no that we could be tight friends till then.
I appreciated his openness but is this right? What do we do till then? Do we carry on this way or do I completely cut off from him till he’s free of any baggage? I thought we could ‘keep’ being friends but the truth is I’m finding it hard to accept her in his life. She believes she is in a relationship (which she is) and his picture is permanently her DP. Had it been that he was growing out of love with her, I would understand but what’s the assurance that she won’t move back thereby making me look and feel bad? What’s the assurance that if having being able to hold on for almost a year, he wouldn’t decide to stick with her and try and make it work even as a long distance relationship? I’m already totally into him and we spend loads of time together.
I really don’t know what to do.
Any ideas?
***
Oya help a sister in distress out and share your thoughts people…
Temiville.xoxo
Nov 24, 2011 @ 07:52:37
this love thing wahala dey loll. but my advise to her is that she should leave the guy. good thing she hasn’t really started a relationship so she isn’t to deep in it. but hey leave the guy let him sort himself out the she can decide what to do.
http://www.secretlilies.blogspot.com
Nov 24, 2011 @ 08:20:57
*sirens going off*..Lady please leave the brother alone not even tight friends. Yes he is being honest but his attitude just defined who he is..Clearly his babe thinks she is in a relationship not knowing she her booboo is trying to keep a spare tire incase she slacks..This is a clear case of silliness.If he can be trying his luck with another lady only lord knows what he will do to you..Please carry your heart and go, dont give it to a man that clearly doesnt know what he wants..Its more like he is ending the relationship before it ends and you are the next available thing. He is being selfish and that is not fair to his current babe..Lady you are worth better than a man that dont seem to want to sacrifice nor make up his mind…If you miss him too much, take icewater shower and lick some icecream..you will be fine..Oh and dont be his friend either, you will end up complicating things for yourself i.e. you wont be able to move on hoping he leaves the lady..Mr ultimatum, imagine his guts..yamayama
Nov 24, 2011 @ 09:08:44
Lady the last time I checked, women are not land acres or cars on auction waiting for buyers to make up their mind..So please keep moving!
Nov 24, 2011 @ 08:21:24
Madam,…please move on with your life! You are only gonna end up bringing pain upon yourself! He doesn’t dislike his girlfriend! All that ‘if she doesnt move back by Feb,…’ is BULLCRAP!!! You were not born to be the next option! Find some dignity in yourself and leave that confused guy alone! If things don’t work out and he comes back,…all well and good! Do not encourage him to leave his girlfriend, and please don’t start ‘over-functioning’ because you want to be better than the babe! Just get the hell out of his business! There re many good guys out there without excess baggage! Lean on God and be whole! So that when your own comes, you will be ready for him!
PS
About his honesty,……tell him thank you but you’ll pass! You don’t need all that crap,…TRUST ME!!! It might be difficult cos of the stage you are at, but you just have to do this for yourself!
All the best!
Dec 02, 2011 @ 21:55:20
Thank you. Simple truth.
Nov 24, 2011 @ 08:29:08
Hi All, I am in serious shock that a fellow beautiful Nigerian woman would even entertain such an idea.Or even be asking for advice for such a situation. You are the women who God has assigned as the HELPER in the life of a Man. It is him that should be desperately thinkling of how he should win your love. He should be on his knees praying to God.Lord. Met. Th si loveley Lady at a bridal shower there is something I found interesting about her. I ask that you will open her heart to me. Instead your deliberating about a guy who is clearlt showing you some weak Character flaws that should onlybe entertained whilst watching E-Entertainment. My dear there are thousands of great men with Godly Morals who will pursue you. Run for your soul and remember your worth in Christ. He died on the cross for your sins. He is your redeemer in his principles we should abide. Delete,erase the guys number. There is not a famine on elegible Single Men. Love you all
Nov 24, 2011 @ 08:36:34
Hey Temz,
I’ve never commented but I’ve been reading your blogs for a while (I subscribed timeeee ago) ….Anyways I would suggest u leave that brotha alone, it may be hard but the fact remains his another girls man. I appreciate his honesty too (lolol) but for him to still be in the relationship regardless of it being an ultimatum suggests to me he still very much likes her. And I think he was wrong for started up this kind of relationship with you in the first place (9ja men shaaa…even the good 1s)…
Over and out..bless x
Nov 24, 2011 @ 09:42:07
wow just saw ur blog it interesting to know that you are member of my church, it will be nice meeting u in church this sunday
Nov 24, 2011 @ 09:45:58
Whoever this lady is. My advice is that you stick around d guy, u might just be the spare tire that’ll stick to him till eternity *grin* loooolll! just felt like saying something different from what everyone has been saying.
Pretty lady, Pls dnt be a second option when you can be another man’s one and only! Back ur bag and move on! Your best is just around the corner.
Nov 24, 2011 @ 09:57:19
*Pack ur bag
Nov 24, 2011 @ 10:06:06
Oh heck nah!!! Abeg! You’re no body’s sloppy seconds. No way! No way! If the table was turned trust me, the dude would NOT wait! Please, please, please, keep it moving. There’s too many “what ifs”. If he thought you were worth it, you wouldn’t have this deliberating to do. He wants to have his cake and eat it. What a blinking cheek! Asking you to wait until girlfriend in England makes up her mind??? No way!
(Sorry for being so dramatic, but this one cut me deep. Lol)
Nov 24, 2011 @ 12:35:21
I’m in the same situation lol, so I know how u feel. The good ones are always taken right? Just pray to God for direction and for His will to be done. If the guy is urs, it will work out no matter what. But I don’t believe in time frames sha, if the guy is into you why is he still holding on until feb? What if the girl relocates then what? Pray about it sha, if its not worth it I say not to wait 🙂
Nov 24, 2011 @ 16:10:08
Lol…i can totally relate to this story cause d exact same thing happened to me, and believe me it gets worse. There will be more stories and more drama, the longer you stay indecisive. And don’t even try to be friends..tight or not, it will simply complicate things the more. I hardly share but I decided to go on a limb on this one…so please leave before you get hurt. Yours (with no drama) will surely come!!!
Nov 30, 2011 @ 06:09:44
as in!!!! It never ever ends. I know this
Nov 24, 2011 @ 16:19:22
i beg leave the guy alone. someone else is waiting for u out there.
Nov 24, 2011 @ 17:27:19
looooooooooooooooool its FUNNY reading EVERYONE’s angry reactions, o so sure they know WHY he’s doing this and quick to tell her HOW to jump ship.
yada yada yada … errr yea – what they said — moving on and out. and yea, pray for strength.
Nov 24, 2011 @ 18:18:31
Love matters can get really dicey but this is relatively easy, she is d dude’s back up plan, his spare tyre. So what if plan A holds and d babe comes back, then she is left in d lurch. I would suggest that she asks herself if she would be happy and content playing second fiddle and I’m guessing she wouldn’t. She should end ties with d guy, tell him to regroup and come find her when he is a single, unattached man.
Nov 25, 2011 @ 02:59:57
Hmmm…… If only she wasn’t “feeling the boy”. I wish it was an easier scenario cos love is pretty tricky. Personally I would walk away. Be friends but draw a line. He’s another woman’s man. Period. If the status changes and he comes back to you; fine. But boo, don’t hold ur breath.
Nov 25, 2011 @ 07:19:44
Wharrisdis? Ehn? Wharrisddiiss? U can see the sign and you are consciously ignoring it. U like him already. That is fine. If he truly wants you, its time for him to do something totally brave for you. If he cannot do something like this for you now, when is he going to do it. Its a natural animal behaviour that “it reflects subconsciously in your behaviour to be attracting or be totally irritated at people who want to approach you”. U r chasing others away at the moment.
Set urself lose my dear friend.
By the way, Karaoke tonight, U wanna come?
Nov 25, 2011 @ 08:13:11
TAAA!
I think you know the answer to this one…..
Kisses!x
Nov 30, 2011 @ 06:09:13
kisses! I sure do!!!xxx
Nov 25, 2011 @ 08:44:44
Wharrisdis? Ehn? Wharrisddiiss? U can see the sign and you are consciously ignoring it. U like him already. That is fine. If he truly wants you, its time for him to do something totally brave for you. If he cannot do something like this for you now, when is he going to do it? Its a natural animal behaviour that “it reflects subconsciously in your behaviour to be attracting or be totally irritated at people who want to approach you”. U r chasing others away at the moment.
Set urself lose my dear friend.
By the way, Karaoke tonight, U wanna come?
Nov 30, 2011 @ 06:08:53
Tobystic!!! I missed karaoke…where when? when next?
Nov 25, 2011 @ 08:57:25
I don’t know where the guy is coming from, but I do believe the babe should sit the guy down and hear the full story (no lies involved) before making a decision. Too many maybe’s and possibilities here to make assumptions.
Nov 26, 2011 @ 02:16:33
Thank God 4 his honesty.but sounds 2 me like u r helpin anoda girl t-k of her man.pls run fast b4 u get 2 emotionally entangled.think of it -wat if u where d oda gal?wat of wen she returns n he chooses her ova u?where does dat leave u?a handshake?(like it wz 9ce doin bussiness wit u).gal,u deserve beta.
Nov 26, 2011 @ 18:25:09
hmm.. my dear, I think it’s completely disrespectful that the man thinks he can keep her as a “tight friend”. To me, it’s more like “spare tire”. If a man wants you, he should want all of you and no one else.
But mehn, speaking from experience, i know it’s not easy. I’m kinda in the same boat. There’s a man back home that I’m not completely over; but then there’s another amazing man- Christian- as in for real Christian brother, highly intellectual; he’s a leader, congenial, hot- ah, that day at the beach.. God forgive me! lol. in other words, marriage material, and Nigerian women know all too well that they’re scarce in the market. Anyway sha, he’s “very interested”.
So we had the conversation and I told him that there’s someone at home that I’m not completely over. He’s still my friend, we just don’t yarn as much because I know he still likes me and me sef, I don’t mind him at all.. lol As “potential” as he is, I can’t hold him in limbo knowing fully well that he’s not my “first choice”. There’s no guarantee that the “at home” brother is still interested but that’s the risk I’m willing to take because:
1. Brother here is a person, he has a heart, he is a child of God and he deserves to be more than a “spare tire”
2. Brother at home is worth the risk
Oya, e ma binu, I kinda needed to vent a little bit.. lol but back to your friend- I think you (friend) should put yourself in the other girl’s shoes. How would you feel if your man is keeping a “just in case” babe on the side, even though they’re “just tight friends”.
And let me know if I’m being too harsh but the fact that the man suggested this makes me question his integrity. I mean, seriously, what kind of man would think that’s ok? Is that the kind of man you want to be with? If he can treat one girl like this, best believe you won’t be any different.
Don’t measure a man by the way that he treats you, measure him by the way he treats the least among you.
Nov 30, 2011 @ 06:07:43
I got this!!!”Don’t measure a man by the way that he treats you, measure him by the way he treats the least among you” The depth of it!
Nov 28, 2011 @ 09:03:55
Honest answer now…I think the girl in Nigeria should forget about him. Like the last person said, He’s keeping her as a failover when the girl in UK doesnt work out for him. So the question is “Does she wanna be a spare tyre?”
That being said, you said are now going HICC?? Erm…..you need to holla, thats my CHURCH!!!
http://angelmicheal.wordpress.com
Nov 30, 2011 @ 06:01:57
For real??? Which service do you attend???
Nov 28, 2011 @ 17:35:35
eh? This doesnt even make sense… how can a complete woman be content in being an ‘incase’ chick… incase my relationship dont work out, i’ll date you??? What does this say about your self worth???
Besides do you really want a man that will ask you to be such a thing? The day you too travel for one thing or the other he will start counting down to your break up… abeg be wise
… And please there are very good single available men out there, they are not good enough until someone else takes them off the market, then you start saying ‘all the good ones are taken’…. abegi
Nov 29, 2011 @ 08:34:36
This is jus another failed deal. Dnt try urslf. Its pretty fresh. Liv b4 u get too deep. U v said he s som1’s man… Except u can put up wt d competition. Besides dnt deceive urslf yet o, U are not in love
Nov 29, 2011 @ 10:19:31
Babes, no need flogging this issue. I also feel you know the answer already. He’s the one who’s got sorting to do then how long will it take him to get over her too? Right now he’s not the one and just so you don’t end up hurt…..
do what u gotta do. lol
Nov 30, 2011 @ 06:00:07
I agree with yuo . Nowadays, we find more and more ppl settling. I think it’s sad
Nov 30, 2011 @ 04:20:45
Very interesting comments…
I agree with leaving….
But: this is my take.
You as person need to examine what you want and what you will take.You need to set your emotions aside and think carefully about your decision. When you have thought about it, take it to God in prayer. After that whatever decisions you decide to take…. will reflect in your attitude. That means if you decide to leave the friendship and the dude, you will have your convictions that will be your guide. If you decide to carry on you will also have your reasons/convictions.
It is important to have reasons as to why you are not doing something or should not be doing it. This is because our emotions are very strong and the reasons or convictions should keep in you CHECK.
Remember whatever decision you make, life is a learning process.
Do what you think is right based on godly wisdom not selfish or flesh wisdom….. follow your GUT FEELING/INSTINCTS/ HOLY SPIRIT. sometimes you are wrong, sometimes you are right but life is a learning process so do not beat yourself. GOD IS NEVER WRONG sha…
As for me ohh. I will back off I do not like strings. Its not about him or her. I like to have clarity and I like to know the other person as clarity too. Anything that brings confusion for me at this point in my life (where I HATE DRAMA). I will waka commot. it is for the best for now.
Dec 05, 2011 @ 23:37:55
Babe, take it like this Jesus is coming soon! Don’t waste your time on confused guys like this! Plenty more fish in d sea..,
P.S. Hi Temi! Happy you found a church, guessing you don’t wanna sing this time. How d children’s church goes well x
Dec 21, 2011 @ 19:53:19
Hello temi!
Season’s greetings. I really appreciate your blog and I have come to love it more as I can hardly wait to read up any of your new post. I make a point of duty to forward your post to all and sundry on my contact list as well. I have been sitting on the fence as regards my relationship with God for a while but since I came across your blog, It has reminded not to put God, his word and his fullness and promises in my life for granted in every area that concerns me.
I saw this post and thought ill share it with you.
http://www.divinecaroline.com/22065/35337-wants
Enjoy!
Feliz navidad!
Dec 26, 2011 @ 17:37:16
Fondest sweety!
wassup? Thanks so much for your lovely message. I appreciate you so much. And thanks for that link. I enjoyed it so much. God bless you and enrich you. Merry Christmas!
Jan 25, 2012 @ 14:32:06
I don’t support dis at all. Is he taking her for a ride or wat? Keeping her as a back up plan, sitting on the fence or trying to have his cake and eat it? Let her face it that if the guy really likes her den their relationship woouldnt be dependent on Bimpe’s decision to return or not. Plz open ur eyes and don’t make excuses for his behaviour.
Feb 03, 2012 @ 18:58:39
i’l take this as a complete fiction….them no dey tell lame man say war dey him front. if the babe wants the guy to eat and have his cake, then so be it.
Jun 02, 2012 @ 14:30:22
I think u already no wht to do. It will show a level of self respect, if knowing wht u no, u’ll give him some distance else u always will be his oda option and it will be very easy for him to toy with u. (I no its already past Feb bur I’m just reading this, so, post goes my comment)
PS: I think u shld read latter post on ‘Why Guys Love Bitches’
Jun 15, 2012 @ 10:39:44
I’m kinda in this position but I am the girlfriend being held onto..
thing is my boy friend had a family friend in anor country that he claims is just friends but I the messages they exchange??? not to mention other details I probably dont know about..so I confront him and we fight over n over again and now I no longer care who or what he says to his so called female friends becos it only led to fights and strain in the relationship
…now several months down the line and lots of strain in the relationship he said he is praying for Gods direction but will not break up with me as he still loves me..mind you he does not lie about his indecision
I am now a girl in waiting…
I wont advise my enemy to wait on an undecided man but I find myself waiting…mind you I have made efforts to end the relationship and he does not want to so I happily use that as an excuse to stay
Just wanted to let you know what the girlfriends go through as well…
it is the most frustrating experience of my life..
please let that guy go…trust me you dont want to be a waiting girlfriend!
you dont know how long to wait…you dont want to leave at the point he decides or leave him for someone else and regret?? but you dont want to keep waiting and realize years later that you spent your prime years waiting for a man that was never yours??bcos by then you will be an old maiden…
and dont decieve yourself as long as he is in your life your eyes wont be open to see other pple nor will your heart have space for another..