My ex and I had been having off and on moments but generally, we were a happy couple. The thing is this: I am a strong willed girl. I am not easily influenced and I can be very forthright, dishing out my opinions whether or not you ask for them. Some love me some hate me. People are hardly ever indifferent to me. I have a presence everywhere I go-a strong one. For a girl, I guess it means that I need God’s special grace to be submissive, have a meek and gentle spirit and the whole Proverbs 31 works. I take after my dad. We are close but when we argue, even my mother excuses us.
I met Yimika through my friend and I was especially drawn to his calm and reserved nature. I also liked the fact that most of the time, I had my way with him. He might put up a show of disapproval but in the end, it was always done how I wanted it done. We had arguments-many of them and I always ‘won’. Yimika was so gentle to the point of apologising when I was wrong.
We had one of our famous fights but he offended me this time. I took it really personal and said some hurtful things to him which I knew were uncalled for but I guess the Leo in me never permitted me to back down and apologise. You know one of those situations where you believe you guys are tight enough to receive stingers from each other…yea, that’s what I thought. So I dropped the phone on him and hoped he would come round and beg me. He always did. You see, Yimika was like that. He’s Pisces. Pisces are like that. They want peace and would sacrifice their pride and ego on the altar of love and romance. It had always been like that for the 8 months of my relationship with Yimika.
Anyways, one week of not speaking went into 2 and 2 weeks easily became a month. It was already July and Yimika and I had not spoken in a month. Eventually, I realized I was hurting no one but myself so I went to his house to see him and talk things over. I noticed changes right from the gate. The mai-guard who will usually greet me in a cheerful and bubbly manner was a bit formal. My friends think I exaggerate when I told them this but I could have sworn that Limo, the dog barked angrily at me too.
To cut the tale short:
- It is over between us-he says he cannot be with someone who constantly brings him down. Now, I had absolutely NO idea I do this. I’m just a very assertive person. And he can be really chilled a lot of the time. So I assumed that what made him like me is because we are different. I thought he was loving the fact that I take charge.
- He is still single but has decided that there is no need for us to see any longer at least not until we are both totally over each other.
Thinking back, I do realize I might have taken him for granted once or twice but he NEVER complained. How was I to know it was all building up? Now he lists out all my faults and I wonder: why are we in a relationship if you can’t steer me on the right path? Why must you wait till you can take no more and then you explode?
I’m not really trying to win him back because to be honest, I’m a firm believer in the principle: what is yours is yours. But I really would like to pass across two lessons:
-When you’re unhappy in a relationship, tell your partner. Please don’t chill and then break up because you are ‘fed up’ when the other party had no idea something was wrong in the first place.
-Never ever take quiet people for granted. They are DANGEROUS. You might think you can easily walk all over them but the truth is this: they record every step you take over them and they are storing it safely in a box, once it is full, no amount of pleading can take things back to the way they once were. All I had to do was look into Yimika’s eyes to know it was over. Hopeless. He was done.
Anyways just thought to dish out my own nugget of wisdom and hope someone learns without having to experience it firsthand.
Let’s call the writer *Busola*. What do you guys think of Busola’s situation? Should every loud, assertive, no nonsense girl aim to be calm and gentle or did God create us all differently for variety sake? Are you a quiet person or do you know any quiet person? How do you relate with them in peace without being too boring or cautious?
Random Info: I am Pisces but I really would not consider myself ‘dangerous’ or unforgiving. The younger me used to find it difficult to let people know I was offended and I did have the tendency to sacrifice myself for peace sake. But now, I’m more refined and mature in my approach. I am still sensitive but I’ve learned to speak out rather than expect people to read my mind.